Saturday, January 20, 2018

anxious days and sleepless nights


I've been sleepless for two nights. Or mostly sleepless. Probably around four hours or less a night, if someone was paying attention which this someone is not. I only know that I wake up at some point and then am mostly awake until dawn when, sometimes, I can grab a couple more hours. I've been pretty good lately about getting myself back to sleep after I wake up but not so the last two nights if I managed to sleep at all. My body has been on alert, mind whirling, adrenaline coursing amid fight or flight.

Sounds like something serious is going on, right? Nope, just faced with putting my money where my mouth is.


Last late October I got an email from a friend about spending the month of May in Portugal with another friend and some assorted strangers and did I want to join in, to which I replied with an enthusiastic yes, I could do two weeks in Portugal, which grew to three weeks in my mind as time progressed. Three weeks away from home on the other side of half the country and the Atlantic Ocean with friends. Well, two days ago I got the information, two weeks in Porto and two weeks in Lisbon, and it was time to fully commit to days I will be there and buy my tickets. You'd think that would be easy, right?, especially since I had every intention of going; that I wouldn't suffer two days of anxiety before I could commit to dates and buy the fucking tickets. But I did, and I did, finally, and I will leave on May 1st and return on May 23th. Fourteen nights in Porto and 7 nights in Lisbon.

I know where some of the anxiety stemmed from but now I think a lot of it was the thought of being gone for three weeks, away from my nest where everything is comfy and reliable and I speak the language. I could barely choke down half a hamburger for lunch yesterday so I finally sat down and selected dates and found the flights and bought the tickets. Within 30 minutes I was already more relaxed. It helped that as luck would have it I will be taking the same flight out of Toronto as my friend and we will be arriving together.

And now committed, I slept well last night.




13 comments:

  1. Yay Portugal! We have not been there, and hopefully one day we will get there. Spain is also on the list. For us, 29 days is about max time to be spent in Europe. I think the search for food takes a toll after awhile. I am looking forward to your impressions of the trip.

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  2. Ohhh, the art, the beauty you will see. I think, as most travelers do, that wherever we go we see/get to be a part of ourselves that we're not often aware of...it's a good part :)
    You're observations will be spectacular. I can't wait!

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  3. Sounds wonderful. And exciting. I'm happy for you. :)

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  4. I can totally relate. I'm glad you've committed. I'm glad you're going.

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  5. This trip sounds like fun. I hope it takes your mind off US politics for the duration.

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  6. Woo hoo! That sounds awesome! Lisbon is beautiful and I've never been anywhere else in Portugal, so I look forward to your blog posts! Sometimes being on the verge of making a decision is worse than actually making it, you know?

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  7. I'm sure there was more anxiety about getting the tickets than going. I'm impressed at how easy the whole process has become. Imagine an old lady like me figuring out how to wave a bar code at an electric eye. It will be a grand expedition and you will have a grand time.

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  8. Trip sounds awesome! Glad you got some respite after you pulled the trigger. :)

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  9. It sounds like it's going to be a great trip!!! Enjoy!

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  10. I would gladly spent a couple of anxious sleepless nights if the result were three week in Portugal.
    Hell, make it a week of no sleep.

    You are one lucky woman!

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  11. Oh excellent! That sounds like a lot of fun. I'm excited for you!

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  12. and even better when you step on that plane.

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  13. Attagirl, nothing is as disturbing as indecision. You will enjoy yourself, that’s certain.

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I opened my big mouth, now it's your turn.