over the hump

I think I turned a corner Sunday. I did not start the tomato sauce but I did get the biggest room in the house vacuumed…all good. Cleaned up after breakfast…all good. Drank lots of water, got up and moved around between episodes of GoT, picked up four more handfuls of sticks, did some yoga before bedtime…all good. I did still have some episodes but they were low key, infrequent, and ended fairly quickly.  

Monday was even better. I had one episode in the morning when I received a message from the neurosurgeon’s patient portal addressing a message I had sent two weeks ago when I was worried about whether or not my insurance would cover my appointment or any procedures by him, an issue I resolved that same week so I called their office and was reassured that all was well, they already had approval for my appointment next Monday. And then the afib stopped and I don’t think I had any other episodes besides maybe a blip or two all day.

And so I put myself to the test and cleaned the bathtub and the three walls that surround it. It was really horrible and really needed to be done and even after that vigorous activity, all was well. And I drove to El Campo for yoga class Monday night. The restriction on not lifting anything heavier than 10 pounds has passed and so I am back to my regular activity, which now that it’s summer does not include doing anything out in the yard for most of the day, basically an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening.

So, a month or so ago, little moths started showing up in the house, more and more as the days went on. Could not figure out where the fuck they were coming from. Checked the pantry, nope. Could not think of any other possible source. Well, when I vacuumed the big room, my office/workplace in the house, I found the source. Right before the place that buys/sells/cracks pecans closed towards the end of February I took one last bucket of pecans from the box I withheld when I sold mine and had them cracked but I never shelled them. I was so over shelling pecans by that time so they have just been sitting under the small work table. When I bumped the bucket with the vacuum cleaner a flurry of little moths rose up. Damn. Carried it outside and dumped it under the bird feeder for the birds and squirrels. Later I saw a young squirrel very timidly approach the pile and finally pick one up and started eating. I still have a bunch of moths in the house but at least they’re a declining population now.

My grandson was here when I got back from yoga last night. He’s coming back this evening after he gets off work to fix our truck which has been dead since a pulley that has something to do with the power steering, I think, fell off. I’ll be glad to have my truck back so I can move all those piles of sticks over to the burn pile at one time instead of multiple trips with the garden cart. I gave him my canoe a couple of weeks ago finally putting the last nail in the coffin of my guide and river running days even though it’s been maybe two decades since I’ve been on the water. It’s been leaning against the side of the barn for most of that time and the thwarts rotted and one of the supports for the seats as well. He’s going to make a trade with a woodworker to replace all that in exchange for mechanic work. Once he gets the canoe back in shape I’m going to get him to take me out in it this fall on a nearby lake. 

Since Mikey has it now, this is a picture off the Old Town website of what my boat looked like new only mine had cane seats, not webbing.

I don’t know where all my river days pictures are. I found one folder with a few. This is on the Pecos River and that's me running a rapid. 

This one is hiking in Boquillas Canyon on the Rio Grande in Big Bend.

Marc and I on a different trip on the Pecos River.

Oh, those were the days.

a pain woke me up

Tuesday night about 1:30, I was asleep, dreaming I had a pain and as it moved up to my back in my dream, the pain woke me up. It was fairly high up between my shoulder blades right about where my heart is. My afib was going nuts, heartbeat really fast and irregular. The pain wasn’t terrible, I’ve had back spasms worse than this was, but it was enough to wake me up. Whoa, what the fuck is this. Am I having a heart attack? I sat up on the edge of the bed wondering if I should put some clothes on (I sleep naked) in case I had to call the EMTs. I got up and went to the bathroom, went back to bed and propped myself up a little, googled heart attack in women on my phone and of all the symptoms the pain in my back was the only one. I could feel the afib in my chest but it didn’t feel like it was being squeezed, wasn’t hard to breathe, no pain in my jaw or in my arm, not nauseous. It subsided a little while I played solitaire trying to calm the afib down some. Pain flared back up so I sat on the edge of the bed again trying to decided what, if anything, to do, and this time sat up completely in bed against the wall trying to distract myself with other games until the pain subsided and I laid down and went back to sleep. If you’re wondering where Marc was during this, we sleep in separate bedrooms because his snoring keeps me awake and with the dog and sometimes the cat, that double bed is just too small.

Miraculously, I woke up Wednesday morning, afib still active. After breakfast I worked outside for two hours digging up newly sprouted pecan and oak trees or cutting them at ground level and spraying a little poison on the exposed cut so they wouldn’t come back which they will do it you just cut them down. Came in about 1 PM hot, soaked, and sweaty and the afib was still a little active. Usually some physical activity will calm it down. It finally settled down into a nice sinus rhythm about 5:30. And then sometime during the night Wednesday night it started back up and I’ve been in afib since though not as intense as Tuesday night.

I did go ahead and go to SHARE Thursday morning and talked to one of the volunteers who had had a heart attack last year, asking about her experience. I told her what I had experienced and she encouraged me to call my doctor and if it happened again and didn’t stop after a few minutes to go to the ER. So when I got home I timed my pulse, at least 100 bpm, a little faster I think with skips or extra beats. I called my doctor’s office and talked to the nurse, ran it all by her. I had my regular biannual appointment scheduled for the 29th but she rescheduled me for next Wednesday the 22nd and told me that if it happens again or I get lightheaded and feel like I’m going to pass out before Wednesday and doesn’t stop after a few minutes to go to the ER and have them contact the office and to just take it easy until my appointment. By Thursday evening I didn’t feel very well, breaking out in sweats which are also a symptom of heart attack but also of afib and I do that a lot even sitting in the air conditioned house. I’d been in afib since Tuesday night with one short break and was starting to stress out, pretty freaked out about the whole thing. I went to bed and propped myself up playing games on my phone, really kind of afraid to go to sleep, until my heart settled down some, still a little fast but not too irregular

Friday morning…still alive! And feeling better, heart rate down to 86 bpm. If I make it through til next Wednesday without going to the ER I imagine the doctor is going to want to do a complete cardiac workup. I’ve only had that done once and that was 7 years ago right after I first started having episodes of afib during our trip to Hawaii but got a clean bill of health then.

So that’s what’s happening with me and now I need to take my mind off it because I’m starting to feel a little stressed out about it. A heart attack is not on my to do list.

cut the med, cut the hair, cut the grass

Wednesday was my twice yearly follow-up with the electrophysiologist, my afib doctor. The protocol for the medication he has me on is a check in every six months. It's been four years since I had the ablation for flutter and he put me on meds for the afib. The low dose of the sotolol he started with wasn't having much effect so he bumped it up to the higher dose. Now, after 4 years of twice a year visits and ekgs showing a good sinus rhythm each visit he is reducing my med to the lower dose. Says I'll have more energy. More energy?! Seriously, the last thing I need is more energy. That's what my primary care doc said when he put me on thyroid medication those decades ago which at the time I didn't so much as walk from place to place as charged ahead from place to place. And my blood pressure was good so I was glad to have about a half hour waiting before being called in as I could feel it rising as I got into the horrible Houston traffic. I'm glad his office is a couple of exits inside the beltway instead of right smack in the middle of the city.

The other thing I did this week was get my hair cut. When it gets to the point of being put up in a bun or ponytail basically as soon as I get up then what's the point of keeping it long. 

Pulled back in a bun the gray is more apparent.

Besides, it's summer now with the attendant humidity so I went Thursday afternoon. I want something different this time, I told her. I don't know what I want exactly but I want it short, maybe just two inches, I told her. Off my neck, out of my face. Two inches is a bad idea, she says. We looked at pictures of styled cuts. I don't do styling, I don't use product, I'm a wash and let air dry kind of gal. I wasn't looking for a 'look' so basically I told her to just cut it. She started and the first cut was over one ear. My eyes got large, maybe even winced a bit. Should I turn you around til I'm finished she asked. A weak little 'no' from me. Second cut above my other ear, another little wince and maybe a whimper. Are you going to cry she asked. Another weak little 'no' from me. The die was cast and she cut and cut and cut. There was a small animal on the floor when she was done.

I'm reminded of the adage 'be careful what you wish for'. My hair has never been this short. Ever. It's a pixie cut she says. I like the way it feels. I like the way it looks in the back. 

Not too sure about how it looks from the front because of the way my hair curls above my temples. Oh well, I'll get used to it and it will grow out. I did think it would be curlier though.

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The riding lawn mower es muerto and the mosquitoes are horrendous out there, big black ones and teeny little ones, hiding in the tall grass waiting for me to wander in the yard. Seriously, they swarm you and run you in the house so today, Friday, I fetched the little electric mower from over at the shop and did the front yard. Took me almost two hours what with all the stopping to toss away the hidden fallen branches and clearing out the shredded grass and leaves clogging it up and the break I took to cool off and drink some water. Tomorrow I'll do the big backyard as far as the heavy duty extension cord will reach.

I have to get up soon to start dinner when what I really want to do is lay down and take a nap. A simple meal...baked cod fillets, buttered new potatoes with dill, and the handful of green beans I picked this morning,

and now that the first Fredericksburg peaches are in maybe a sliced peach too.

And just because they are so glorious, here's another picture of the zinnias.

another post about things I've written about repeatedly

Saturday I did something I haven't done in decades if I even ever did it before. I washed the car. It was so dirty it looked gray instead of the sparkly dark blue it is. Now I need to clean the inside which is also very dusty which I don't understand how that happens. We rarely drive with the windows down so how does all that dust get in there?

Look how shiny!

Sunday I emptied the truck of downed branches from Nickolas and swept out the leaves accumulating in the barn and garage before the leaves really start to fall again. I'm trying to stay on top of the barn after the hard work of cleaning it out and organizing it earlier this year. Then I filled and put the bird feeders out for the fall and winter. I bring them in in the summer lest the birds forget how to forage. It took a couple of hours for a lone cardinal to find it and this morning I see the titmice and chickadees and inca doves have also discovered that it's out again. So far the squirrels are oblivious but that won't last.

Stayed up late last night finishing the book I was reading and went and got my blood work done this morning. And really, that's all I've done.

The woman who leads the yoga class I go to on Monday and Wednesday evenings won't be able to be there for several weeks and she asked me if I would lead the class while she was out of pocket and so I did agree. Last Wednesday night was the first time and so I'll also be leading the class this week and next at least until Abby can come back.

I had two surprise lilies bloom this year. Some years I get a few and some years none.

And I saw this dying dragonfly in the street last evening when Minnie and I took our little walk. I picked it up and put it on a shrub so the ants wouldn't eat it alive.

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I want to apologize for being a little testy at the end of my last post. I was just frustrated that I wasn't making myself understood, that afib and stroke are two different issues though they are connected, and maybe a little upset that y'all would think I would trust my heart to a doctor that was blasé about stroke, though I know you were just expressing your concern for me and I do appreciate that you take time out of your day to comment on and read what I write.

Some more info: People can have afib for years, not know it, never get treated for it, and never throw a clot or have a stroke. They may just feel tired all the time or out of breath. The general consensus is that afib episodes need to last 12 – 24 hours before clots may form though some doctors think the threat occurs after about 5 hours. Mine typically only lasted 2 – 7 hours so these extended episodes are new which is why I'm convincing myself to undergo the other ablation, something I'd just as soon not do, but if my thyroid isn't contributing and the medication is no longer controlling it, then that is what I will have to do. Here's another fact that I didn't know. Beside the usual triggers, sleep apnea can also be a culprit. And, the older you are, the more likely it is to develop. Fun stuff. 

a break in the weather, Queen of the Night, Friday's appointment

We had our first cool fall day fall on the first day of fall. How cool is that? The last three days have been glorious; cooler (temps in the mid to high 50˚s at 7 AM), brilliant blue sky, and low humidity.

While I didn't get to see the cereus in full bloom Monday night, I did get out and see the last three blooms and just those three were scenting the air. If it follows the pattern of the last few years it will put on another big set of blooms in a month or so. It is truly the Queen of the Night.

Saw another little frog on the glass in my back door, this one a green tree frog. This one and the brown mottled one I posted earlier are the first frogs I have seen all year. Usually I come across them more frequently.

The last three days have been very busy for me. We went into Rosenberg and turned in a very old Apple computer with the heavy bulbous monitor and the tower that went with it and the TV whose screen went dark. We'd only had it 5 years but apparently that's sort of the lifespan. It was a chap ass TV to begin with. I expected to have to pay for the monitor as that's what it says on the Best Buy website about the recycling program but the guy didn't ask for a penny. I gather it was so old it didn't contain whatever monitors contain now that is expensive to recycle. And while we were there we bought a new bigger TV, a whopping 32”, the same size as the one we turned in. We just don't watch enough TV to justify getting anything bigger and having to clear wall space and rearrange the room. I also got a new tripod, one that will accommodate my iPhone which is the only camera I have right now. I'm so happy. Now I can take pictures that are level and plumb. That's really hard to do holding a phone camera. And then very busy at SHARE on Thursday, the work was non-stop either filling baskets or restocking my shelves and then took the recycling that had been piling up.

So yesterday was my appointment with the EP. I had been keeping a diary of my days on and off afib since about the 5^th. The pattern is about two days on and two days off. If it holds I should go into afib later tonight. We'll see. Anyway, I was in perfect sinus rhythm during the appointment. Of course. I asked him about the sweating and whether or not he thought my flutter had come back (no, he said to that) but he did note that I’m on thyroid meds and thyroid malfunction can contribute to both sweating and afib, asked when my last blood work was done, December, so he’s ordered another thyroid panel to make sure there isn’t any easy solution to these sudden long episodes. Then we’ll go from there. If the medication is no longer controlling the afib then probably the best option is the ablation because he doesn’t want to increase my med dose as he feels I am on the highest dose for my body size and condition though if I want to put it off for a few months that’s fine. Once again he said the condition isn’t life threatening, just quality of life issue. I asked him about that, that I was getting questioned a lot when I told people that. He said that the irregular rhythm, rapid rhythm in and of itself is not life threatening. I asked about the threat of stroke, he said that strokes aren’t always fatal, that the usual effect is paralysis, and I’m on medication to prevent blood clots from forming. So, I will hear from his office when the results of the thyroid panel are back but I don't expect anything has changed and then I will have to decide if I'm ready to go through with the ablation. Probably depends on if this pattern continues (which it did, back into afib Friday night, still am, just irregular though, not rapid).

I did look up the fatality rate of stroke which was 1 in 8 people die within the next 30 days and my father's death certificate lists stroke as cause of death. He had an event in the middle of the night and died immediately but no autopsy was done because my mother didn't want him cut up. My father was a pathologist and one of his duties was autopsies and since he was a member of the medical community, the doctor acquiesced to my mother's wish and just listed stroke as cause of death based on his medical history, a stroke two decades or so previous and high blood pressure which he would not take medication for. So we don't really know what killed him. Could have been an aneurism or a massive heart attack.

Edit:  Let me reiterate since no one seems to be understanding...my EP does not take the threat of stroke casually or lightly. His father died of stroke and he is adamant about no strokes happening on his watch. It's why I had to have the interior ultrasound before I had the previous ablation to make sure no clots were in my heart and why I will have to do that again before I have the other ablation before he goes in my heart to do the procedure. It's why he insists on me taking the very expensive eliquis instead of any of the much cheaper ones because it's the best de-coagulent so that clots won't form. Also why he stresses quality of life. I'm not stupid. I read up on all this stuff. 

weird dreams

image via: https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/people/se%C3%A1n-moncrieff-have-you-been-having-weird-dreams-me-neither-1.4231563

It's been a long time since I've remembered my dreams, any wisp still remaining evaporating with my first conscious thought but lately I've been having doozies. I recounted one last Saturday and now these.

Friday night's dream: I looked out the door to see 8 or 9 people milling around in the yard. Went out and stood in front of the house staring at them and finally asked what they thought they were doing. Never did get an answer but there was a house for sale on the corner and somehow I thought they were from there and were looking around. Then one of the women walked out of my house and I started yelling at her what are you doing, how did you get in my house, you can't just walk in my house. so then several of them pushed past me and went in and up the stairs and I followed after them to the top of the stairs yelling that they shouldn't go up there, they didn't want to go up there, it was scary, something scary up there so I went back down. Maybe heard some screaming. Next thing I'm going around locking all the doors and windows, lots of french doors across the front and lots of windows on the side and back but at the same time caterers were there to prepare for a party for my son and his friends for graduating high school though I wasn't going to be there because I (we?) were going out that night and I cautioned them/him to keep all the doors and windows locked and when I was locking the last window in the kitchen I couldn't find the lock and while searching for it I noticed the wall underneath had a cut in it so I moved the small empty bookcase in front of it and saw that a square section had been cut and was removable and someone had cut through the outside of the house to the inside to be able to get in so I was trying to find something heavy to put in front of it when something/someone started trying to push their way in.

After that I don't know if this dream segued or it was a different dream but I was with some people and it was time to get dressed to go somewhere and we were supposed to wear dresses. I pulled one off a clothes rack and asked the woman next to me if this one would be OK, it seemed a little dressy but it was the only one I had so I put it on and then we had to wait and I was worried that it was getting wrinkled from being worn while sitting or laying around waiting and wouldn't drape as nicely as it had when I first put it on.

Weird.

I've dreamed about this house in the first dream many times before but it's usually 4 stories and the second floor is just a row of bedrooms mostly unused unless there is company and the scary thing lives on the fourth floor and I usually avoid going up even to the third floor. It's a big house with the row of french doors across the front and the big room on the end with windows on all three sides and a couple of sets of doors leading outside. It sits on a huge lot and no neighbors.

Saturday night's dream, just flashes: trying to find a parking spot in an airport parking lot, found a big empty space designated for Frontier, decided to move closer but that was designated for United, went back to the Frontier space but now there was a car next to me with little girls in it and four little boys around 4 years old all beat up and bloody from fighting with each other around my car and as I got out I told the attendant I was flying Frontier and I hoped those boys weren't going to get in my car. I went in the airport looking for someone who was supposed to be meeting me or was looking for me and went back out to the (now) parking garage, passed a meeting room full of people who were apparently waiting for this person/s to show up, went back in the airport and found the couple who I had already had a previous encounter with earlier in the dream that I can't remember now, and asked the woman 'do you know who I am?' No she didn't. I'm the person you are here to meet, and we hugged. There was also a part where I was driving around outside the airport in my search for these people. And something about taking a shower but that might have been a different dream. I've dreamed about trying to take a shower several times but there's no water pressure or I don't have any soap or shampoo or I don't really have time.

They all seem fraught with struggle though my waking hours are fine. Earlier in the week I intentionally woke myself up from a dream that I guess was disturbing me but I don't remember anything about it. I wonder if they're related to these ongoing extended afib episodes. If so, another reason to go through with the ablation. And here's another reason. I've written off and on about how much I've been sweating over the last year, can be sitting in the air conditioned house and just break out in a sweat. Well, I finally looked up sweating as a symptom of afib and guess what? Yep.


edit in response to Steve Reed's comment:  I've read that when you dream of a house, it represents you and finding new rooms indicates growth of some kind. I can understand something scary in the house could indicate a fear but I don't think it's covid related. Probably more related to my pending decision to go through with the ablation which is certainly an invasion of the house if the house is me. 

afib, covid, stupidity, and seasonal things

I was all set to call the EP's office about the continuing afib and Wednesday after breakfast it stopped. Of course it did. So I transitioned into wait and see mode. Midday on Friday, today, I'm still good. But I did break down and call the EP's office anyway, explained what had been happening, when my next appointment was scheduled, that all was good currently, and didn't know what to do. He said he would relay the information, the PA would consult with the EP and call me back. I'm trying not to think about it, create stress to trigger it. Although I don't know what triggered these extended episodes. I haven't felt stressed out about anything lately. So then I tried to document the days on and the days off which was mostly guesswork from my posts and replies to comments but I think basically out of the 11 days between the 5^th and the 15^th, I was in afib for about 7 of them though not all in a row.

edit: talked to the nurse and I have an appointment for next Friday to come in and discuss options with the EP. She reassured me that it wasn't life threatening, just quality of life issue.

I think I mentioned that I've been wearing my mask at SHARE the last 3 Thursdays (not counting yesterday) because my neighbor and fellow volunteer has yet to get vaccinated, not a political position he says, just hasn't so I think he might be needle shy. Anyway, I walked in yesterday and to my surprise everyone was wearing a mask. Normally only the volunteers who deal with the clients wear a mask. One of the other volunteers, another of my neighbors, vaccinated, has covid, was exposed by her daughter/grandchildren, also all vaccinated, who also came down with it. So she and the unvaxxed neighbor volunteer who hang together are in quarantine. He's been tested but we don't know yet if he's got it or not. It would be a miracle if he didn't or he could be one of those who don't get sick, just shed virus. The good thing is that she was exposed after the last Thursday when we were all at SHARE. A new statistic popped up...1 out of every 500 Americans have died from covid. I wonder what the ratio is of those who have had it vs those who haven't.

My friend Denise in Canada sent me a link to an essay on The Third Force. The first two which seemed to rule us are good vs evil. Now a third force has emerged...stupidity. It's worth the read even if it is a little discouraging. First world human culture has become too easy.

My week break from the studio is going on three weeks now. Today is already blown, tomorrow is the baby shower for Audra, my grandson's SO, and the baby might come in another week. So maybe I'll get over there Sunday. I don't really want to lapse into another uncreative span of time but neither do I want to engage in pedal to the metal either. Surprisingly enough, a more relaxed pace takes more determination.

What else...it's dove hunting season with special days for white wing doves. Today must be one of those days as the birdbath in front was full of white wing doves, a dozen, more, with an equal number on the ground, hidden from the street by the row of red tip photinias across the front of the house. It's hard to get a picture because as soon as I move close to the window they scatter.

And it's oxblood lily time. Two days ago, nary a flower. More should be popping up in the coming week.

Nickolas and dogs

Well, Nickolas just skipped right by us. We got maybe a 1/2” of rain, maybe, and that was in the first half of the day Monday. Around 5PM the wind picked up and thrashed around but we never lost power though some people in town did, and the wind had died down by 1AM. The yard though is littered with dead branches big and small and tons of leaves. We've already filled the back of the truck and still plenty more to be picked up.

About the dogs...instead of replying to everyone individually, I'll just do it here. They've never actually attacked anyone that I'm aware of, if they had then I'm sure the dogs wouldn't still be there but I have no idea what their intentions are to my little dog. One bite and that would be the end of her, fearless as she is. She has chased many a big dog out of our yard. And it happens infrequently, maybe five times to me in as many years. I'm not really afraid of them but it's still unnerving when they charge like that and I always stand my ground fearful of turning my back on them. It mostly pisses me off that the people just stand there and watch instead of coming after their dogs. The first time there was a scrap of board on the street and as soon as I picked it up and raised my arm they turned around and ran back. When it happens, I'll carry a stout pole with me for a week or so and then I get tired of carrying it when I walk the dog. I've thought about carrying wasp spray too but again it happens so infrequently. There used to be three but Rocky shot one of them when it had one of his chickens in it's mouth. After that they kept the dogs penned up. But when the people are out in the yard, they will let the dogs out too. Mostly they stay in or around the big shop. They're at the very end of the street, have some sort of business in a big metal building on the corner and then they have another acre (lots here are minimum 1/2 acre). They originally only had one lot but after Harvey they tore their house down instead of fixing it up and bought a big double wide but the county wouldn't let them put in a new septic system on the half acre because there wasn't enough room for the spray heads so they bought the vacant lot between him and Rocky. That lot was vacant because the house that was on it was a run down rent house and the guy who was living there, well, his girlfriend torched it with him in it one night and it burned down. He escaped with his life and that's about all, ran over to Rocky's nekkid as a jaybird. Anyway, I was about at the near property line this last time and the adults were at the far side of the property. Anyone else would have taken off after their dogs. We're in the county, there's no dog catcher, it's a rural county, not highly populated. It's up to individuals to trap stray dogs and then the county will come fetch them. If you call and ask what you can do about dogs they'll tell you to just shoot them. It's Texas is all I can say.

The other thing on my mind is my slow reconciliation of having to go through the other ablation. I had almost two days respite this time but it's been active all day today. My resistance to the procedure is wearing down. The medication isn't working. Not life threatening he tells me, just quality of life issue. Well, this quality sucks.

And Minnie has been in my face all day, wanting something. Out, let's go. We go out, she runs to the end of the driveway, I pick up fallen limbs and sticks. I call her in. Soon, out, let's go. We repeated this three times. The fourth time I let her lead me over to my sister's house. I laid down for a while and and then she's in my face, barking, sneezing (one of her ploys for attention), biting, c'mon, let's go! It was a little after 5 so I fed her and she ran straight to the door, out! So we went for our walk down to the end of the street and back, slow, it started drizzling. I carried the pole, an old broomstick, but of course the dogs were in the fenced yard behind their house. Minnie's in her little bed, I guess she's finally satisfied.

getting prepared and other activities

Here it is Thursday. What the hell have I been doing? I don't remember what I did Monday. Dealt with bureaucracy. I inherited an acre of land in East Texas that we have been paying the taxes on all these years and this year decided to stop. It's a heavily wooded and land locked that we will never ever even see, much less use. So we got a letter in the mail from a company that buys and sells land and offered me nearly $1500 for it. Call if you are interested in selling! So I called, explained how I didn't have a clear title even though it fell to me. Oh, she says, it's land locked so unless I was willing to go to the trouble of getting access to it, they weren't interested. So you think they could have figured that out before they offered me $1500 for it and got me all excited?

Tuesday, a nice very warm and humid day, I decided to make pralines at my sister's house with her 'foolproof' recipe. hahahaha It was a near total failure. Too warm a day, too warm in the house, they never set up so she put them in the refrigerator and finally, hours later, they sort of set but were so fragile that they break every time you touch them. 

Then I got some weeding done in the afternoon. I think. I know I got some weeding done this week but maybe it was Monday afternoon.

Wednesday was a long day. I had my 3 month follow up with the electrophysiologist. I'm still having episodes of afib but they are less intense and far less frequent. I can go weeks without one and then have four or five over a period of a week. Mostly they are short but sometimes it will be off and on all day. He recommended the ablation for the afib. The medication is controlling it but not stopping it. I told him I would rather wait, he again said that was fine that it wasn't life threatening, and he would see me in another 3 months but if it gets worse before then, I'm to come see him. So, end of January, we'll see. It's a longer and more invasive procedure and I'm not resigned to it at this point. From there I went to Costco, then Spec's (the liquor warehouse), then Michael's looking at shadow boxes as a way to present the feathers but there wasn't much selection and the proportions were all wrong and little trinket boxes for the pansies which they didn't have either so then I went to Hobby Lobby and while they had a bigger selection of shadow boxes, once again the proportions were wrong. I did find a frame (on sale) for one of the pieces in one of those expensive stands from last year and a little trinket box. So now I have to go back to get another frame and another trinket box. From there I went to Home Depot which didn't have one of the things I have been looking for without success and I was so disgusted I left and forgot to look  for the second item. When I got home I rearranged the garage and started bringing in the tropical plants, digging up the three plumerias I had planted, because it was supposed to get down in the 30˚s that night and to 29˚ tonight! In October. We never have a freeze this early. My toad lilies are just starting to bloom. By the time I was finished it was 5:15 and too late to make it to yoga.

look close on the left, the bird of paradise is blooming

Today is Thursday and you know what that means...estate sale! This one was put on by a different company that has just started doing it and doesn't have a big following yet. We got there about an hour after it started, perused the garage and the craft/workroom, went into the house and chatted with one of the women helping with the sale and she remarked that she couldn't believe this table and chairs was only $80. 'This table and chairs'...a round solid oak table with lion paw feet, a leaf, and six oak chairs. 

   

I'd been daydreaming about replacing our round dinner table and we needed new chairs since the seat on two of ours have split. I bought it. It was just too good to pass up. I figured if neither of the twins wanted my old table and chairs I could post them on Marketplace and sell them. I texted the twins and their mom and Jade claimed it.

So then Pam and I tried the pralines again and this time they set up nicely. Yay! 

And this afternoon I dug up the small porterweed that came up leaving the bigger one in the ground. Porterweed is not cold hardy and if it freezes it will not come back unlike the angel trumpets which are root hardy. Even so, I covered the remaining porterweed and the pink angel trumpet which has yet to bloom for me and the ponytail palm over at the shop. That's all I'm doing. It's only the one night and probably didn't need to cover the ponytail.

This is all so early. I don't usually bring the plants in til November or even December depending on how warm it's been. Well, they are in for the duration now no matter how many more warm days we have before winter sets in for good.

short stories # whatever

Well, for good or ill the next two molds are in the kiln. Now to reassemble the mold for the box itself and add glass. I had planned to use billets (solid slabs of glass) instead of frit (crushed glass) to fill that one for a couple of reasons...I don't have enough of any one color in frit that I would want to use and I do have billets in two colors to choose from. Were the mold all in one piece it would have been no problem. It may still be no problem. We'll see.

heading up to casting temperature

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The reason I didn't get any work done on the stick mold Wednesday is because I had my follow-up appointment after the ablation for the flutter. I've been keeping track of the instances of irregular heartbeat (the afib) over the past 5 weeks like I did the preceding months only these were just little flips that would happen for a short time or off and on all day but they gradually lessened and then skipped a day and then skipped a couple of days until the last week when I didn't notice anything at all. I had maybe 3 or 4 episodes during that time of what I consider afib but they were less severe, lasting for a shorter period of time. The doctor looked over my list, said we may have to do the afib ablation since the medication was controlling it but not preventing it altogether but let's see how it is in another 3 months, what's happening is not life threatening and I'm protected from stroke as long as I continue on the holy fucking cow this shit is expensive eliquis. With my Medicare and supplemental policy's online pharmacy it's costing me about $85 a month. If I had no insurance at all and had to buy it over the counter it would cost over $400 a month and I wouldn't be taking it. It's still pricey at $85 a month and did you hear that that horrible man in the White House has appointed Alex Azar, ex-president of Eli Lily who tripled the price of insulin, as the new HHS secretary who has voiced his opposition to lowering drug prices to oversee...lowering drug prices. Anyway if the doctor hadn't suggested waiting, I would have. The condition is so much improved and I feel so much better and even if this is as good as it gets on the medication, I'm good with that. It's going to have to get as bad as it was pre-ablation for the flutter for me to consent to the afib ablation.

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Last week I was contacted via email from my website by a gallery which does the four major art fairs including SOFA (Sculptural Objects and Functional Art) which we did for 3 years back before the great recession with another art gallery. She praised our work, wanted to showcase  it, they've received awards and pride themselves on their relationships with their artists, etc. and please reply back and she would have her partner and show producer get back with me with more information. So I looked at their website. They list 70 painters, 12 multimedia artists, there are a couple of other categories, and sculpture with 10 artists only two of which seem to work with glass. I responded but I told her the truth, that I would like more information but that I wasn't very prolific, that the work was time consuming, small, all one of a kind, and pricey and that I wasn't in a position to incur any costs beyond shipping my work out. Some of the galleries that do those art fairs want their participating artists to help bear the cost of doing the fair as well as getting a percentage of the sale of the artist's work and I figured I would just head that off at the pass if that's what they had in mind by 'more information'. We'll see if they contact me again, so far, not.

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My iMac is old, probably 10 years at least and it's got some foibles, mainly, the upper left hand corner gets really really hot which sometimes makes it slow but which has also fogged up a portion of the screen in that corner. I have to put it to sleep regularly so it will cool off. It's been a problem for at least a year but it used to happen only now and then. Now it happens every time it's on and active. And a month or so ago my fancy little bluetooth swipe up/down/sideways mouse stopped moving the cursor and last week or so it started doing something else weird mainly on the FB site. After FB loaded the screen would go white. I could refresh a couple of times to get it visible again but sometimes I just had to put it to sleep and wait til it cooled off. Then it happened to my blog. OK, this is bad. Not the blue screen of death...yet, but can't be good. The last time my computer died I lost everything on it, all my pictures, some apps, documents, etc. because I didn't have an external hard drive for backup. I still don't or didn't. Monday I asked Marc to research external hard drives, he went out on an errand and came back with one so now, at least, if I get the blue screen of death I won't lose anything because it's all backed up. Yay! I do need a new computer, have needed one for a while but what with the heart thing and getting the truck repaired and getting the new gutters up, now is not a good time. Hopefully this one will last a couple of more months.

it's doesn't really show up so you'll just have to take my word for it

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You might remember last February the Texas Land Office started accepting applications for their homeowner reimbursement program for repairs from the damage caused by hurricane Harvey for those who spent their own money (not FEMA or other insurance money) and I spent two solid weeks filling out the application and running down all the supporting documents and invoices for money spent and money received from FEMA and finally got it filed, all nearly 90 pages of it. Finally, the first week of May they called me to come in and resubmit the 5 'proofs'...ID, income, ownership, residency, monies received from FEMA (because the TLO got a new computer program) completing phase 1. Phase 2 was to be re-submitting all the invoices for work done and materials bought and documents proving that those invoices had actually been paid. Apparently while waiting to be called in for phase 2 they changed the protocol and last week I got a call to set an appointment to re-submit only those invoices for work done outside the main structure...yard clean up, fence repair, out buildings repaired, off site storage and housing, etc. Since I didn't have any of that done he boosted me straight to phase 3 which is having an inspector come out and make sure the work was really done (because we faked all those invoices and bank and credit card statements?). So Thursday night I got a call from the 'risk' inspector for an appointment next week for him to come out and check the grounds and house for lead contamination and yesterday another call to schedule the damage inspector who is coming today! The guy that called for phase 2 told me they were looking to start dispersing funds by the end of this month so maybe all this effort hasn't been in vain.

thursday

the 15 packets of sugar they delivered with my oatmeal and two cups of coffee for breakfast Thursday morning

The afib stopped about 9 Wednesday night, they came in twice during the night to take my vitals and I was glad to see my blood pressure and pulse with good numbers but when I woke at 6 Thursday morning almost immediately an afib episode started so since I had been admonished by the day nurse to buzz them when I feel it happening, I buzzed the night nurse. Because my vitals had been good during the night I was surprised when she said I'd been in and out of afib all night. And flutter I asked. Yes flutter too she said. So it didn't work? I'm not a doctor she says.

After she went out I cried a little but I thought what good would that do me besides make the afib episode worse and raise my blood pressure and stuff up my nose and make my eyes red. It certainly wasn't going to improve the situation so I stifled it as best I could and blew my nose and wiped my eyes and tried to pull up my big girl panties but my mood had darkened, was in no mood for visitors. The episode didn't quit after the normal length of time and even got worse. I hadn't had one this bad since before I had started on the metoprolol. Well, I guess I'm not going home today after all I thought, so WTF, I'm worse off than I was before I submitted to this whole process...flutter not gone, afib worse, a bruised throat, and a hole in my groin. Yay! So I started a list of questions for when the doctor showed up and reminded myself that even so I was in much better shape than all the other patients on the floor. Decided FB and Twitter weren't doing me any good so no more of that and then I tried meditating to get it down which did help but didn't bring it under 100 and later even jumped to over 140 but went down again. This one didn't stop til right before 2 PM. At 4 the doctor was still a no show so the nurse went to give him a call. About 5 his physician assistant showed up and they came in to do another EKG. You've been in afib the PA says. Yes, it started just after 6 this morning and stopped a few minutes before 2. That's right, she said, you can tell, she asked? Yes, I can always tell.

Anyway, the EKG showed a perfect sinus rhythm but I wouldn't let her leave until I had asked all my questions which I won't go into detail here but, yes, the ablation worked. The flutter on the previous EKG was not generated in the right atria but is a different flutter associated with the afib in the left atria (remember, I had two different conditions) so the ablation in the right atria was a success. If it's going to revert, she said, it does so immediately and after the doctor zapped the spot he tried to induce the flutter again and nothing happened. So. It is possible that in a year or two the spot might heal or find a way around and it could revert and another ablation would be necessary but that only happens in about 5% of cases she said. The doctor wanted to observe me for another few doses, if nothing else happens he will release me. If I continue to have afib episodes he will try a different medication. If none of the meds stop it but only partially control it ie keep my pulse rate below 100, is that life threatening, I asked. No, she said. So ablation of the left atria is a quality of life choice. Apparently they are more concerned with keeping the heart rate below 100 than with completely stopping the irregular rhythm.

All stayed well and when the night nurse came around at 9 PM to give me the eliquis she told me she couldn't give me my next dose of the sotalol because my heart rate was in the high 50s and they had instructions not to give it to me if it dropped below 60. So how is the doctor supposed to observe me on this medication if he won't allow it to given to me?

Friday morning my pulse was still under 60 so I probably wasn't getting my morning dose either though I'm pretty sure under 60 is my normal resting heart rate and all I had been doing for three days was resting. Well, I had had enough of that and so I ordered my breakfast, put on my housecoat and slides and started walking the floor while I waited for it to arrive which caused a bit of a stir. The nurse hurried over making sure I wasn't woozy (every patient on the floor is considered a fall risk regardless and in fact the aide had told me earlier I was the only one on the floor that could walk, every one else being too sick I guess). After awhile she came in with my morning dose, it worked, she said, your pulse is up.

About noon the doctor came in. Ready to go home, he asked. Yes! Marc arrived promptly to come get me but it took until 3 PM to get all the necessary paperwork in order so it was nearly 5 before we got home.

I went ahead and went to the pharmacy before I settled in at home. Oh, the pharmacist says, we have to order the sotalol, we don't have any but they checked the sister pharmacy in El Campo about 12 miles down the road and they did have it so they transferred the prescription to them and I went to pick it up. Life in a small town.

So far so good. I haven't had a major afib episode since the one ended 2 PM on Thursday but since Saturday night every 3 to a dozen beats or so it will skip a beat or add one off and on, as if the afib is trying to manifest itself, and my pulse has remained consistently low from about 48 – 64 bpm. I imagine it will take some time to adjust to the medication now that I'm taking it twice a day and perhaps it will need to be adjusted. Right now I'm just taking it one day at a time. Haven't felt like getting out and doing any sustained yard work but I'm still supposed to be taking it easy for a few more days and it's too damn hot out there anyway.

previous:

the test and the procedure

recovery and observation