mortality, weird dreams, and yard work

Minnie sunning her belly

The last six weeks have been a little harrowing and have caused me to really think about my mortality. Both my parents and my older sister having died in their 70s kinda of puts the skids on my projected end in my late 80s or even 90s like my paternal aunt and my paternal great aunt. I'm still aiming for that but I can't deny the fact that maybe I only have another 6 years. I was talking to my niece, my sister's daughter, several days ago on what would have been my sister's 77th birthday. (Paraphrasing a whole conversation), nope, she says, you are addressing the issues you are facing while Mom didn't (neither did either of my parents) and you are healthy. But so was my sister on the face of it…active, mobile, aging in place. I still have two procedures to go through, the first of which will have a big impact on my life, either absolving the fear of a ticking time bomb in my brain or confirming it. And the second, the third procedure on my heart, will at least get me off the blood thinner. One less medication to take suits me fine.

Turk’s cap

My sister was a little prescient and perhaps that’s why the couple of years before her death she started organizing her life and belongings. She had a whole notebook waiting for us that gave us all the information we would need except for the passcode for her phone though our brother did eventually guess that. She took photos and did research into those of her possessions that were valuable so that we wouldn’t just chuck it all out or sell it for pennies. She had a letter addressed to the family about what she wanted done with certain things (throw away her bras and panties instead of donating them, burn her journals without reading them, scatter her ashes on the beach, stuff like that). So I’m wondering if maybe I should start doing the same. I have written down all my passwords in a single document, have a list of important contacts, I have a will though if I go before I hit 80, Marc will outlive me as his family is long lived so it’s a different scenario from my sister who lived alone, her husband having died more than a decade ago.

phlox

The last week I have been having the weirdest vivid, involved dreams every night and morning. I’ll get up to go to the bathroom (which is usually what wakes me) and I’m like, what the fuck was that all about and yesterday morning was no exception. I’m not going to try to relate it because too long and weird but I did wonder if all these new meds I’ve been put on might have something to do with it and sure enough, the two beta blockers I’m on for blood pressure, metoprolol and lisinopril, both can cause vivid dreams and nightmares. I haven’t been having nightmares but the dreams have definitely been weird and vivid especially considering I don’t usually remember my dreams beyond a fleeting glimpse. No weird ones that I remember today but I had a hard time sleeping last night and spent over an hour between 1:30 and 3:00 texting back and forth with Jade.

daylilies

I torched the burn pile yesterday morning even though it was already well into the 80s but the morning was still, no breeze, and it had to be done because the truck is already overflowing with branches from all the storms last month, one of the garden carts is still full, still a pile in the little backyard, and another big branch fell two days ago. I stuck paper in four spots, doused it with charcoal lighter fluid and lit them all and then I retreated to the car I had driven over and parked in the shade close enough to keep an eye on it and sat there in the air-conditioning. It went up quick. I’ve burned bigger piles but this one for some reason sent up a plume taller than any before and it was alive with motion, dancing and curling.

fire!

Later I was clearing out a small area on the front east side corner and got nailed by a wasp on my arm, looked down and it was hanging there like it was stuck and I had to brush it off with the clippers I was using. It stopped stinging fairly quickly but it hurt all day. Wasp stings don’t usually do that so when I went to bed I got my pocket knife out and tweezers and started digging around the puncture and pulled out the stinger. Better today, still a little tender but doesn’t actively hurt anymore.