Monday, March 11, 2013

the wicked witch is dead

A month or so ago, Marc took one of our granddaughters to see his father, her great grandfather. It was the first time Marc's father has met any of his great grandchildren. Jade is the only one who has ever really asked about her grandfather's father and then only recently. They know their great grandmother so she had asked to meet him.

It's really too late for any kind of acknowledgement since he is very old, very sick, and has dementia. He can't communicate even if he does understand what is happening. She saw only a pale shadow of the awful man he was. Which is just as well as far as I'm concerned. It's only in the last 6 months, now that his wife went home to Brasil to die among her family and he has come back here to die, moving in with his youngest son, that he has expressed a desire to see Marc.

The old bastard waited until the very end to regret disowning his first born 15 years ago. Ironic that the one who wants to know him was one of the reasons he turned his back on our family all those years ago and she wasn't even born yet.

Not that he had anything much to do with us before then, saving all his attention and hopes and pride for his two younger sons, barely knew his only grandchildren when he moved to Florida with his wife to retire, had basically emotionally abandoned his oldest son when he was about 12, would not give him an ounce of credit for all that we accomplished together attributing it all to me.

So you might wonder what caused Danny to officially disown us as opposed to just ignoring us as he had been. 

When our daughter was 19, she became the mother of a less than one day old newborn and moved in with her boyfriend. Six months later she was pregnant herself. The evening she came over to tell us, she also called all her grandparents to give them the happy news.

The next morning, the phone rang and it was Danny. This is terrible, he said. She's ruining her life, he said. She's happy about this, I said. I want you to tell that boy to convince her to have an abortion and get out of her life and I'll give him $5,000, he said. I'm not going to do that, it's not my decision to make and she's happy about this, I said.

When he couldn't get any satisfaction from me, he asked to speak to Marc. Marc laughed at him and told him no.

And that was the last time his father spoke to him. Or to any of us. 

Well, now the old bastard is dead. Died in his sleep Sunday morning, a week after Marc's last visit.

He deprived himself of so much.


  1. "Family" is such a two edged sword. Most of us either take it for granted or are painfully aware of the pitfalls. There is no such thing as "normal" except the setting on a dryer.
    I hope your husband feels like he was the better man to have gone to see his father before the end. Closure at least.

  2. Like Linda I say that family is not always a bed of roses, I should know.

    Perhaps you and our husband could forgive him now that he’s dead. Carrying grudges will only taint your own life and the two of you have so much that he never had.

    Poor old sod.

  3. How amusing, at the very end regretting disowning his son. Makes it far too easy.

  4. I have such a hard time understanding a person who just disowns his family. To me it's much better to continue yelling at each other if you can't enjoy each other - being nothing to each other is such a waste.

  5. This is a sad story. But it's good that Marc had closure, that your grand daughter was interested in seeing him, and that he is finally gone on his way. Everybody moves on.

  6. Some people are just too stubborn to see anybody's needs. Such people are blind; and to please them you'd have to gouge your eyes too.

  7. I think your last sentence sums up such a tragic life. We have to forgive even if we do not understand. I think my father-in-law was a very difficult demanding man...but I do not know the life that made him that I forgive.

  8. His life was tragic. He had all of these beautiful people to love, who would have been willing to love him. He did indeed deprive himself. I have to agree with Friko about the forgiveness. That's for your own good.. not his. And his offspring learned a lot from him after all. The learned how not to be.

  9. Many overlook the love a family can bring us.

  10. Wow. Now THAT is some family intrigue. I can't imagine disowning a member of my family under any circumstances.

  11. Yes he did and that is a shame. I have a relative like that...she refuses to really acknowledge me as a contributing member of the family!
    Her loss...she has never met her great grandchildren and has missed out on another blessing. Shame!

  12. Remember last year when I wrote something horrible about a family member who had died. It takes courage and I'm glad you have told this story like it is - too often we make excuses up for them.

  13. Thank goodness someone has the courage to say... good riddance. Some people are just the better to be gone.

  14. Death is so final. Takes away all the "what ifs" and any chance to reconcile. Sometimes it is a relief from all the drama that person created over the years. I felt that way when my mom died. I refused to succumb to her terms and let her run my life resulting in many years apart. We were estranged when she died and it was a shock, the finality of it. Ironically she had told her new neighbors that I was dead, not knowing they attended church with my mother-in-law .......
    There are just people who are happiest when they are hating someone.
    I am sorry for Marc's loss of long ago.

  15. Sometimes family is the anchor that drowns you.

  16. ms Liberal Helen,,:) you and I are once again in tolal agreement...glenn


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