who will help me bury the bodies now?

I am bereft. I am bereaved. The last person who has known me my whole life is gone. My sister, the person who knew all my secrets, the person who suffered and endured the same upbringing as me, the person who showed me how to wear a menstrual pad, who showed me how to hook stockings onto a garter belt, the person who never shamed me no matter what I had done, who became a second mother and grandmother to my kids and grandkids, the person who would help me bury the body, my best friend is gone.

Last Sunday in the early morning my sister suffered an ischemic stroke in a large vessel in her brain accompanied by bleeding. I didn't find her til 6 PM when I went to check on her after her granddaughter alerted us that she had not been able to get hold of her. Her car was in the carport and her house was dark. I found her laying on her back on the floor by her bed breathing raggedly but unresponsive. I called 911, I called my husband, get over here now. I called my daughter. It's bad, I said, really bad. I'm on my way she said. I called her oldest daughter who lives in Albuquerque. It's bad, I said, really bad. I'm on my way, she said. Calls started going out.

Marc was there, the police arrived almost immediately, the EMTS shortly after. Then my daughter arrived. The EMTs bundled up my sister and life flighted her to Memorial Hermann in the Medical Center in Houston, Sarah and I followed in her car. When we got there, the doctor met with us immediately, showed us the picture of her brain half full of blood, swelling and putting pressure on the unaffected half and brain stem, discussed surgical options to relieve that pressure but prognosis would be the same with or without surgery...if, and that was a big if, she survived the event, she would be an invalid with little motor function, perhaps some language ability, and a feeding tube. The doctor assured me that it wouldn't have mattered when I found her, even if it had been 10 minutes later. When they let us back to be with her in the ER, she was in a self induced coma and had been intubated.

Family started trickling in to the hospital, my son from the city, her daughter and husband from Goliad, my granddaughters from San Antonio, my granddaughter from Wharton, her granddaughter from Dallas, her granddaughter, great grandson and husband from San Antonio, her grandson from San Antonio, her granddaughter en route from Cincinnati, our brother en route from the PNW but these last two would not arrive until the next day; during the night all these people converged on the hospital.

They moved her to the neurological ICU and when my daughter and son and I and her daughter and husband got to that wing the waiting room was closed and locked so we just camped out on the floor in the hall outside the ICU while we waited for the nurse to come get us. The nurses broke all the rules and let more than the allowed two visitors at a time to be in the room, never mind that visiting hours had ended long ago but they knew their charge was dying and the family was there. So there was a steady stream of people leaning close and saying their last words, expressing their love and sorrow. When one of the nurses finally noticed the 15 or so people camped out in the hall she got the key and opened the waiting room. I stayed in the room with my sister.

Denise finally arrived at the hospital about 2:30 in the morning. Her arrival was the only thing I was waiting for. The floor doctor had already confirmed that my sister had only one autonomic reaction left and when that went she would be clinically brain dead, however long it took the heart to follow varied. I had medical power of attorney so it was my responsibility and order, my sister had a DNR and I knew her mind so I knew what to do but I wanted both daughters' confirmation which they gave. So when Denise was ready and since everyone was already there and there was no point in letting it go on another minute I told the floor doctor to remove the ventilator and allow nature to take its course. They let the closest family members, about 10 of us, be in the room while they removed the breathing tube and then we waited. They must have known that death was imminent to allow us all in there at one time and so it was. I say it took 10 minutes maybe for blood pressure and heart rate to zero out but really I didn't have much concept of time then. So sometime between 3 and 4 Monday morning, my sister's severely damaged earthly shell stopped functioning.