drawings and blooming things and more weird dreams

I had to take down the picture of Paisleigh in my last post for a few hours. It's back up now plus one more so if you missed the picture or if you only saw the one you might want to go back and look at her adorable little face.

The trumpet flower piece has cooled down in the kiln but we'll probably let it sit for a few more days to settle. In the meantime, I'm working on another trumpet flower drawing for the small stand. I was just going to do the two but I wanted to try a pink one so I'm using the drawing I did back when of just the bottom part of the flower, adding in a few leaf tips at the top to keep the eye from shooting off in space. Still adjusting the position of the leaves but this is essentially the composition.

Now I need to figure out the changes I need to make to the luna moth composition so that it will slide into its stand.

It was so hot out there yesterday. We're having a reprise of summer, as if it ever left. As soon as you walk out the door the heat just hits you. But, the orange cosmos finally is putting on blooms,

These things are at least 8' tall, at least.

the confederate rose as well but no open flowers yet. Zinnias, red salvia, white Philippine lily,

porterweed, mist flower, firespike are all providing food for the bees stocking up for winter and the hummingbirds and butterflies migrating through. We're supposed to get out first real cold front somewhere around the weekend, and it's a little breezy today, predicted low of 48˚.

So the weird and bizarre dreams and me remembering them has continued just about every night. I woke up from a doozy last night, similar to one several nights ago though completely different in location but the central motif was the same, rejection by the 'mother' figure. The first one I woke feeling sadness, rejection, of being unwanted and it took me awhile to come out of it, laying in bed knowing it was just a dream and not anything I experience in my life now. This morning's dream had the same rejection but it was crueler, like punishment, but instead of feeling sad, I was getting pissed off. I woke up with my first words being 'what the fuck'. The dream...we, the parental figures, another couple, and I (though it seems like at times there were a few more people), were at a fancy resort in three separate rooms but adjacent. The parental room was really nice with a small porch/balcony off it. They had all gone to breakfast at one of the restaurants there without telling me and when I got there they were halfway through their meal and I was rightly a little angry that they had not included me and the mother figure would not allow me to join them. When I tried to get a table of my own the host wouldn't seat me because my room had been included in the larger group. Went back to my room and decided I would try another one of the restaurants because I was hungry and went into the lobby sitting on the steps to decide where to eat when the other couple joined me. Then a woman came by with a tray of nibbles and offered some to every person sitting on the steps except me. I got up and followed her to a counter and asked why and at first she ignored me but then said because I looked like I wouldn't want any. You didn't even look at me, I told her! So then this other couple and I went to one of the other restaurants at this resort and were seated and we were getting served some small plates of things when a big guy came and sat at the table and apologized but he couldn't serve me because he was concerned about getting paid. When I asked why he thought he wouldn't get paid, that I had a room there, he showed me the reservation chart. The parental unit had already reserved a table including all three rooms. I got up to leave thinking I would go and get my things and leave the resort since they had brought me along just to deny me. That's when I woke up. I don't think the parental unit was my actual parents, I can't recall any specific faces and both my parents have been dead for a long time (and I very rarely, almost never, dream about either one of them specifically), but in reality, I did not have a good relationship with my mother ever, and for a long time not with my father either. There was a lot of emotional rejection from my mother when I was young starting with my birth when she told the nurse that dark haired baby (she and my older sister were blond) couldn't possibly be hers and it took my father to convince her I was. My early report cards, 1^st - 3^rd grades, frequently noted I was clingy and emotionally needy. Later in high school they denied me friendships because the people I liked were never good enough for them and then in college, they totally alienated me and I didn't really speak to them for a couple of years. But fer cryin' out loud, I'm 71 years old. I dealt with this shit long ago. Why is this coming up now? The guardian angel, dream catcher, and talisman bag hanging over my bed better start doing their jobs.