Monday, April 29, 2013

it's that time of year again

My birthday is tomorrow, April 30, and I'm going to be 63 years old.  

The 60s have freaked me out a little bit.  But this year, I think maybe I am OK with it. I mean, really, what choice do I have?  I can be OK with it or I can be miserable.

Or as I think of it, you can fight against the current or go with the flow but you are going downstream regardless.

So it is with living.  Every kind of life ends the same way.  

And as one of those organic beings that has undeniably passed the halfway mark, my ultimate demise and the condition of my being in my last years occurs to me more often than it did when I was still young and more energetic and raising my children and building my business and who the hell had time to think about old age.

I'm working hard on acceptance in advance since my chosen path did not result in monetary riches.  And none of us really knows the future that awaits, what thing or when it will strike that might put us 'at the mercy'.  

If we reap what we sow then I'm probably fucked anyway considering my mother, with whom I did not have a good relationship, was stuck with me. So I do what I can to stay healthy and cognizant.

I look in the mirror and I see my aunt, sometimes hints of my grandmother.  That's sobering. I look at my elder sister and see our grandmother and sometimes our mother. In my family, my sister is the matriarch. Everyone from our parents generation has already passed.

Actually, I think I like being older. I like that being older is so much less intense. I can just walk away, I don't have to engage. I speak my mind without fear. I don't have to tolerate bullshit.

I mean, we all have to put up with a certain amount bullshit in our lives, right? Stuff we need to endure through familial or work relationships. When you're young you are still trying to find your way, climb that ladder, competing and acquiring. You have responsibilities to the older and younger generations.

Well, I've fulfilled most of those obligations for good or ill. They are behind me. And I think I've achieved as much as I ever will and I'm OK with that.

What I want for the rest of my, hopefully long, life is to just be content. 


  1. Happy Birthday, Ellen! Yes, indeed,at this age you're not required to be anything but what/who you are!

  2. waving hello to you, dear ellen! nice to see YOU! and a very happy 63rd tomorrow. bless you with much contentment for all the rest of your years. :)

  3. Have a wonderful Birthday, Ellen! It's all OK...

  4. Happy birthday, Ellen! It is good to see your beautiful face. I wish you a long, contented life.

  5. You have my father's birthday and he was a good man.

    Happy, happy Birthday. I believe you have left your mark and lived well and happy.

    Contentment is a great thing to shoot for...and I do love speaking my mind. I think that is an honor we have earned from biting our tongue all these years.

  6. You sound like Frank. He says he hopes for tolerable with gusts up to content. ;)

    Wishing you a very happy 63rd birthday, Ellen. May you enjoy many, many more.

  7. Happy Birthday dear girl. You are 1 year and 3 weeks younger than I. So you are a spring chicken....okay an autumn chicken but a beauty none the less. xoxo Oma Linda

  8. I remember wishing I was older
    I wished for advanced time
    Why oh why couldn't I
    See how time keeps going by?

    You are only sixty-three
    I a few years behind
    Forever young
    Stays with us
    All of the time.

  9. Happy birthday! It's so great to see some photos of you. We all have to just live our lives to the best of our ability and not worry about what's to come -- because as you said, how can we know?

  10. All us baby boomers are now facing what our parents faced. We were not very sympathetic to them and I am guessing the generation behind us just hopes we don't clog the progress.

  11. It's interesting that it is now when I feel better about myself. I never did before. I always felt inferior. Now that at my age I confidently say "I'm okay with my age". I wished I had felt that way 20 years ago, but heck, it's still good

  12. Every day is a gift, as long as you're healthy and mindful. Happy birthday, Ellen, and many more.

  13. I'm a half-step behind you - and it is really odd, this being in the 60s. I don't believe it, in a way. But I agree - there's a lot less angst about things like "my career path" - there's no big goal, just the unfolding discoveries of each day. Plus learning how to live with and love the aging body that is me. May you thrive and stay as vital and creative as ever.

  14. Happy birthday! I was thinking about this the other day - and I've decided that I really am pretty content (or I would be if I would quit volunteering to do things that give me ulcers). Isn't it just such a relief to let go of all that yearning?

  15. Well here's a Big'Ol Happy B'day wish from "upper East Texas". The 60's ain't so long as i am holding down dirt and not holding it up, I guess I am aw'rite...The path we choose?, I think, is often chosen for us. (a good thing when I think of where I could have headed,,lol) reckon?

  16. Well, that birthday has been and gone - Happy Belated Birthday To You -, and now you’re 63. So what.

    Numbers are arbitrary. You might be an old woman at 30 and you might be a young woman at 70. You might just be you.

    A little less active, a little creakier, a little more disillusioned, a little wiser.

    It’s so lovely to meet you.

  17. The three gray hairs I had on the front of my head had babies--about... well, a lot of them. I smiled. I'm starting to see my grandmother in me. Slowly, but I'm heading there. All I hope is that I'm half as grand as she was.

    This is a heart-warming post. Thank you.

  18. Oh, I'm a little late for the day, but not for the season. I am a big believer in Birthday Seasons. I mean, if Christmas and Easter get seasons, shouldn't we?

    So, Happy birthday! Look at it this way - no matter how long you live, you'll never be as old as I am! I'm 66 and never have been happier. I gave up money and security to build a business, took care of my mother, started writing and have next to nothing for retirement, which now appears likely at about age 80. When I think about being 80 in just fifteen years I quiver a little, but then I just brush it aside and go get a beer.


I opened my big mouth, now it's your turn.