several things...

First, I would like to thank everyone who commented on my post 'families'...such warm and loving support and advice. You are all right and I know that most days. I know in my head that I did the best I could under all the circumstances, those under my control and those not. So, thank you from my heart.

Second, I would like to announce that I am a 'Grilled Grandma'. Lisa over at Grandma's Briefs hosts a feature where she interviews grandmothers. If you'd like to see my interview and peruse the archives of all the other grandma interviews, use this link.

Third, I have some terrible news. It is why I have been mostly absent here in the last several days. I wrote about my BIL the first part of November and their acute situation in regard to not having medical insurance and his deteriorating condition. Soon after I wrote this, he stopped eating and the pain he was suffering was escalating to the point that he could no longer walk and eventually could not even sit up. Over the Thanksgiving holiday weekend he started becoming mentally vague and lost his bladder control. They had finally gotten an appointment scheduled at the UTMB (University of Texas Medical Branch) clinic hospital for December 13, but with his sudden serious decline, I helped my sister take him the two hour drive to Galveston to the emergency room there at UTMB. My husband and I and my sister could barely get him out of his recliner where he had been living for the last month and into a wheelchair and then into the car. Every movement was excruciating for him.

To make a long story short, I have spent the Monday and Tuesday at the hospital with my sister while they did all sorts of tests and Tuesday morning, the attending physician told us that yes, he did have the damaged vertebra in his neck but that that could not account for the severe pain and his deteriorating condition, that the cat scan of his head and the chest x-ray had revealed a lesion in his skull, one on his ribs and a mass in his lung. She had to do more tests, to confirm her diagnosis but she was nearly positive that he had stage 4 lung cancer that had metastasized into his bones. They still needed to do an MRI but she expected to find more lesions up and down his spine. They had my BIL drugged into sleep to manage his pain and so my sister and I returned home (it's a two hour drive) so she could take care of a few things and return today for an extended stay. Last night the doctor confirmed that the MRI showed multiple lesions all over his back and a biopsy is scheduled for today to confirm her diagnosis. They have not, as yet, discussed possible treatment since the oncologist won't come on board until after the biopsy results are in. Neither will the attending physician hazard a guess as to how long my BIL has. She is leaving that to the oncologists as she is not a specialist. We are assuming at this point, that he will go straight into hospice care. I am going to be investigating that for my sister to see what kind of services are available for uninsured people in our home county so that she can bring him home to die.

This is, of course, only the beginning of the trouble my sister will have to face in the coming months and we are just in a state of disbelief at how fast this has happened. She is doing the 'if only' thing but even just one month ago he was still up and walking and talking and eating with no indication that anything more than the damaged vertebra was going on. Even if she had taken him in a month ago, I don't think the outcome would have been any different. He had been a two pack a day smoker for nearly 50 years (had quit about 3 years ago), had a slight case of emphysema (if any kind of emphysema can be considered slight) and so got regular chest x-rays. She is certain he had one this year, maybe even only 6 months ago, and it showed no indication of cancer.

Update – I wrote this earlier this morning and have just now spoken to my sister. She has met with the doctors, his condition is worse than they suspected and they are giving him a matter of weeks. She is still waiting for them to do the biopsy and they will have the preliminary results tomorrow to determine if radiation will help shrink the tumors to reduce the pain and make him more comfortable but, they stressed, it will not prolong his life. For my part, I have located a hospice organization that will help her at home regardless of ability to pay, or rather inability to pay.

We are in shock.