Monday, October 19, 2009


Our habit has been to come home on Thursday late afternoons and stay til Monday about noon when we head back to the city.  Last week, when we arrived at the city house, looking around it dawned on me that we had moved all but a few minor pieces of furniture.  Well, I wouldn’t call my grandmother’s tea cart minor, but it’s not a big piece.  Really, the only major piece of furniture left to move is my drawing table, something that I need both places.

It was really kind of strange, to walk into the house I have lived in for 34 years and realize I had, essentially, moved out.  There is still a lot of our art collection there.  I haven’t packed those things yet because we still spend a lot of time in the city.  None of the things thus far packed have been unpacked.  I’m hesitant to put things out, hang paintings until we have the furniture arranged so at least we are enjoying some of our things.

We didn’t leave the city last week until Saturday.  We decided to spend the week days in the country this week for a variety of reasons so we spent the whole of last week in the city tending to business.    We finally got the deposit on the third of the three proposals I was expecting to arrive by mid August so I am really busy getting the full size art work prepared for three jobs.  I am fortunate that the design work on all three jobs is fairly simple, a blessing after doing the entry to John Wesley.

Now that it is fall, the pecans are matured and have started to fall ripe.  Since I have been picking them up as the trees started to shed in late summer due to the drought, pecan collecting is more productive.  I walked the yard last weekend and Saturday, when I arrived, I collected about two gallons.  I have been walking the yard every morning after my coffee and before starting on whatever goal I have for the day.

Picking up the pecans has become a sort of meditation, like walking the labryrinth.  In a loose pattern, I pace the yard barefoot (because I often see them with my feet), sometimes in one direction sometimes in another.  We have three mature pecan trees spaced basically like a triangle.  I walk slowly back and forth, eyes on the ground, bending over to retrieve and moving on.  I think about how bountiful nature is.  Here, falling on the ground, is food.

I think about other things too.  Today, I was thinking about friendship.  I have decided to no longer pursue the friendship of someone who I had called my friend.  I admit that I can be hard to take.  And I have always had a hard time of it, having friends.  I tend to act in unexpected ways and say things people don’t want to hear and although I have tried to cultivate tact, caught unawares, I will blurt.  

This particular person, I feel like in the last two years, I have spent more time apologising or feeling ignored than I have being friendly.  So enough.  I will no longer reach out and I don’t expect to hear from this person again.  I’m OK with that.  I would rather spend that energy on the people who have stayed with me over the years.


  1. Sorry about the broken friendship, Ellen but it sounds like it might have been severed for a while. Friends are not supposed to make you feel bad. It sounds like you've made the right decision. Still, I know it has to hurt.

  2. I have found that as the years have gone on, I enjoy a few quality friends. When I was younger, I tried oh so hard to keep some friends. Thought about it for a while and decided .. why.

    It's worked for me ...

  3. It's a difficult decision, ending the friendship. But one of the great things about walking is the way we process situations while doing so, coming to conclusions that are right for us. I'm a walker too, and the benefits are far more than physical.

  4. Pecan trees . . . sigh (love 'em)

    Labyrinths . . . sigh (love 'em)

    High-maintenance friendships . . . bah-humbug! (leave 'em)

    (I'm struggling with one of those friendships, too!)

  5. Sounds like you've outgrown this person - recognizing that friendship has to mean that you don't apologize for or try to suppress who you are. (By the way, that flowered bowl from your last post is GORGEOUS.)

  6. I've learned over the years that elderly furniture is never 'minor'!

  7. Fall is a great time to let go of all the things that no longer work. It is an act of compassion to realize that a relationship just doesn't feed you anymore.

    How perfect to realize it concurrent with walking the back yard labyrinth of pecans! So poetic and artful.

  8. You should never have to apologize to a friend. If they don't know you well enough to understand why you "blurt" things out, then...

    The country will heal you, keep walking the labyrinth and enjoy the new definition of self.

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  10. Nice communion of nature and quiet time - I love those times most of all!

    What do you do with all the pecans? Can they be eaten? I don't know anything about pecan trees. But I love eating pecans.

  11. Hey Ellen!

    This post was very meaningful to me. I emailed you my private comment.

    Please swing by Casa Hice when you have time and pick up your Honest Scrap Award.


  12. NEW friends ar always nice, too, yeah? ;-)

    I used to do the pecan-meditation thing when I lived in Texas, too!

  13. Two things. It is very good that you do something meditative in a regular daily act. I think that is the best kind of meditative practice. We don't necessarily have to make time for meditation - just make our time meditative.

    The other thing is that I too have had to let a friend go - different reasons. It is very painful, and it kept me awake a long time last night. I hope you'll feel more and more peaceful about it as the days pass, and as you walk the labyrinth.

    Don and I slept under a pecan tree in Texas once on a road trip to California. Maybe I already told you.

  14. You are all so wise.

    Joy - oh yes. I will be taking them to the cracker and then my nights will be filled with shelling pecans.

    Fireblossom - yes they are and I am thankful to have so many.

    Ruth - I like that. I've never been able to 'make time' for meditation (too antsy). I guess when I draw I am doing that too.

  15. friendships can be tricky over time. perhaps your friend also notices the disconnect and will reach out sometime in the future?

    i'm a big a believer in second chances, however, i'm a bigger believer in self preservation when it comes to unhealthy behavior from other people. it sounds like you've tried several times with this person, and that you're getting the short end of the stick. it's probably best that you're following your heart.


    p.s. thanks for the nice comments on my blog.

  16. I used to have the problem with friends that I never wanted to be the one to stop communicating, or admit that communication had stopped. I so appreciate it when others make the effort to talk, and always wanted to give this pleasure also. It's not a bad philosophy, but anyone who does not ask 'where are you - are you well? is not a friend, (providing they don't know you just stopped!)

    Now I have nothing to give BUT friendship, applicants have dropped off dramatically. One thing I like about blog friends is that materialistic motives for offering friendship are mostly absent. Take care Ellen. Bob


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