In order to save my faithful readers from mistakes, embarrassment and frustration, here is some stuff I found out the hard way. (Today’s font is Papyrus.)
You can’t wear your glasses on your head with one temple missing.
It’s impossible to herd a snake.
Don’t invoke the river gods unless you are ready for them to reply.
If you take your 11 yr. old granddaughters to the re-sale shop, don’t tell them to pick out a couple of tops while you go look at the ladies skirts. You won’t like the result.
Make sure the kite string is tied onto the handle before you let it all out.
Don’t go skinny dipping in a pond on property with a ‘no trespassing’ sign even if your friend does tell you she has permission from the owner.
Don’t do the dishes naked if you don’t want to be seen naked.
Make sure your canoe does not have a hole in it before you start a 6 day wilderness river camping trip.
If you start stripping the woodwork in three rooms of your house be sure you really like to strip woodwork before you start.
If you take your wedding ring off and put it on the edge of the sink be ready to do some plumbing.
Don’t hide the erect glass penis in the drawer of raffia and then tell your granddaughter that she can use any of the craft stuff for her project.
Never say never.
Wonderful advice! I needed a smile today, Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI especially loved the last one - thanks for the advice!
ReplyDeleteThis font was not too bad...
A learning experience clearly gained the hard way. I shall probably make some of the same mistakes. Not sure about the skinny dipping though. Never a good idea.
ReplyDeleteYou definitely have to be careful with those River Gods!
ReplyDeleteA very good list.
ReplyDeleteClassic. This made me laugh, particularly the river gods and the snake herding. Oh, and the "craft drawer." Oh dear.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, I will definitely file these helpful hints in my brain. LOL!
ReplyDeleteellen you are so very cool and funny!!!!! it's so good to be able to laugh as hard at ourselves as we do of others . . . . have a lovely evening. steven
ReplyDeleteGreat list, every one, especially the one about the glass thingy.
ReplyDeleteOh the stuff of life :)
ReplyDeleteWe like to fly a kite at the beach, I can just picture us running after that string unreeling from the handle!
And the wedding ring on the sink? I always put it in the cabinet, b/c I just KNOW we'd be plumbing otherwise. Murphy's Law and all that.
Oops! Thanks for the advice, oh my!!
ReplyDeleteLOL.. it sounds to me like the hole in the canoe might have been a much better place for the glass penis. Too funny.
ReplyDeleteTerrific advice! Especially the naked ones. Which leaves me to wonder, of course....
ReplyDeleteUh oh! Funny stuff.
ReplyDeleteD'oh!
ReplyDeleteThis just became my favorite post ever.
I learned a lot and I bow to your hard-scrabble approach to finding these truths the old-fashioned "hard" way. {And that was not a reference to the glass penis. However... I do have a teak penis bottle opener that Sherrie from Coldwell Banker gave me. Who said real estate people were boring? I shall certainly hide it from all future grandchildren, unlike present company.}
I freaking love you, Ellen. OMG!
Teehee.
ReplyDeleteI like comic sans too - it's my default on email at work. I didn't know anyone didn't like it.
I do like Papyrus a lot, usually for electronic greeting cards.
Wonderful fun. I'm SURE she had permission. xoxo
ReplyDeleteLife is as great teacher :)
ReplyDeleteExcellent advice. I wonder where I should hide my own glass penis now.
ReplyDeletewhat a lovely post! Thanks for making me smile;)
ReplyDeleteAh, wisdom....:)
ReplyDeleteThere's some good wisdom and a lotta 20/20 hindsight laughs there. Congrats on POTW.
ReplyDeletethere is some amazing deep wisdom here...i guess i will change how i wash dishes...
ReplyDeleteI just found you through the blog of a blog of a blog I follow. Regardless, I am commenting on this because I feel I have learned most of this stuff the hard way. See? You should have been blogging before there were computers. Then I'd have known better!
ReplyDeleteBut I have now enjoyed every October entry, so I must follow your life and the very strange things that seem to fly through your head on occasion! But my calling anyone else's thoughts strange makes me laugh in and of itself.