Wednesday, February 10, 2010

dream vignette

There was a group of about 10 of us sitting on the floor in the dining area of the city house where the table ordinarily is.  They were all people I seemed to know, some thought of as friends, others just acquaintences.  We were having some sort of a class and we were told to partner up.  I looked at the woman sitting next to me who was a friend from junior high school days.  We had been working pleasantly side by side but she declined to be my partner.  The second and third women I asked to be my partner also refused until there was only me and one other woman on the other side of the group whom I did not know well.  I looked at her, she looked at me, neither of us interested in the other, perhaps feeling like I did that I didn’t want to be the Loser in the group, having to settle for the other left over person.  I wandered off and sat on the couch to talk to a man, part of a visiting group or team of some sort.  The conversation became charged with subtle tension of the sort that happens between men and women.  He excused himself for a moment and I began conversing with another man who walked up.  This other man seemed interested in whether or not there was something going on between me and the first man.

I recognize some of this.  In junior high and high school, I did not fit in with the other girls, didn’t belong to a ‘group’, was always one of the last to be chosen for teams but that was so so long ago.  So long ago that I never ever think about it.  I have some girlfriends at this point in my life, women who seem to genuinely like me (though why, I’m not exactly sure).  In fact, I am leaving in a few hours to drive into the city to get together with them for one of our ‘on again, off again’ weekly yoga sessions.  They are on again after a break of a couple of months.  I’m not looking forward to the long drive in and back (and I’ll take care of some other stuff in the city while I am there) but I do want to continue getting together with these women.

So I’m a little mystified, wondering why this drifted up from my subconscious.


  1. What's not to like about you? Honestly I don't understand why you wouldn't have a hundred girlfriends, if that's what you wanted.

    The dream might be about you leaving behind all the middle school drama once and for all.

    As you know, I love dreams. Also today I am especially appreciative of anyone posting a blog. Thanks, friend!

  2. Because we need people and we also see how difficult it is to have real communication and fellowship. Like REya, I too am convinced that you'd be liked no matter what.

  3. These days, it's seems many of my dreams are blog related. I even converse by typing into little comment windows in my dreams. Enjoy your trip!

  4. I like you - if that counts. I can't imagine anyone not.

    I also, like Willow, dream about blogs and blogging - but usually it is I imagine what people look like and I am meeting them. :D

    I also used to have the same couple of dreams [nightmares really] about my ex all the time. I hated it, but he died and now? I haven't had one since. [and OH YES, I can analyze that. lol]

  5. Dreams are sometimes great reflections of our inner selves. Perhaps it was simply an illustration that you want to maintain a connection to this group, but it's tenuous because of your relocation???
    Or maybe a cigar is just a cigar.

    I have crazy wonderful, full length and vivid dreams. Some make perfect sense to me...and

  6. I know it's even a longer drive but why don't you come on over and we will walk the dog, have a cuppa, and go find anonymous and torch his house- it will be fun!
    Being choses last- always me- even as an adult- Guess I am not good at the "team" thing...

  7. Hi Ellen

    one of our basic needs is for connection so often dreams remind us of those desires and losses...we need to feel a part of a group even if our nature is more solitary. I have never been a group person either and often found it easier to talk to men than women...perhaps this dreams says something about that???

    Happy days

  8. I am not good playing with others either though I can do it if I must! LOL! I am in agreement with Reya and lakeviewer. I still have dreams where I am late for class and it is exam day and I never opened the book!! Ack!! What's that about? I have been out of college for 20 years!! LOL!! So dreams are just that...stuff stuck in our heads and trying to come out.

  9. I make no effort so I am very proud that you are.

    Only you can decide what your dream is telling you.

    Enjoy your get together.

  10. I always wanted to NOT EVER be picked - I was a terrible athlete & got no joy from being on the team. In fact I knew I was a liability & really didn't want to inflict that on others.

    I agree with Cynthia that perhaps the dream is talking about the move away from the city & the difficulty of maintaining your friendships there. Sounds like you're working through that pretty well.

    Stop by my blog tomorrow - there will be a non-snow picture just for you.

  11. I've had some unsettling dreams lately. Odd - maybe we are putting to rest old wounds - coming up now when we are adults and can understand them.

    We love you here in blogland!

  12. I wish I could remember my dreams - on the odd day that I do my Aunt goes into overdrive with the dream dictionary... and I'm sure she tells me lies with her analysis!

  13. " (though why, I’m not exactly sure) "
    That might be the root of your dream.

    I've been dreaming (or rather, remembering them) for the first time in a very long time lately. Most of them are clear enough after a bit of mulling.

    Enjoy your time. :)

  14. That's some dream.

    To me there's nothing worse than feeling rejected, though you seem to take it in your stride, in your dream at least, and then you have the comfort of a better rapport with the men.

    I wonder what your dream is/was telling you? That's for you to work out I suppose. It's a fascinating dream nonetheless. Thanks.

  15. I've been there (still there most of the time). Most females don't like much at first, things usually get better (or worse) once they get to know me, but rarely. I have never been able to figure out why, so I just live with it and hope for the best.

  16. Interesting dream. For some reason I am not a joiner. Maybe I remember how cruel some of the kids at school could be to "outsiders" I have always tried to rise above that sort of thing.

  17. It's a familiar feeling I have in real life. I work well with women, but don't have close friends - at least, living nearby. I was thinking recently that perhaps I sacrificed the time I could have been nurturing friendships with women by being so busy while my kids were growing up (working, teaching, doing dissertation all at the same time). But maybe that edginess around other women was, as you describe, something that happened earlier - and maybe the others were feeling it too. Thinking that makes it easier to have my heart open to our shared history of pain and loneliness. (I hope your get-together with your good friend went well. You certainly hit a common nerve with this post!)


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