more thoughts on death, evidence of life, loss of public lands

Thursday’s sunrise.

I’m not dwelling on my eventual death, I’m not worried or upset about it, I’m not obsessing on when it might occur but the fact remains that I have far less time ahead of me than behind and occasionally I acknowledge that my time is finite in a way that it isn’t when we’re young. When we're young life seems endless. We know intellectually everything dies but it's so remote. I've reached the age when infinite starts shifting to finite. Do I have four more years or 24? Twentyfour, tops, if I live to be 100. So I think about it now and then. We all die, everything dies so that new life can bloom. What comes before birth and what comes after death is one of the great mysteries of the time in between. I tend to think of death as another birth, shifting from one state of consciousness to another. Regardless of what, if anything (I figure it's either mind blowing in a good way or nothing, either way I won't care about what I left behind), comes before or after this life, I am here now, we are here now, and this state of being 'in between' is all we know for sure. I’m not afraid of death. I have my preferences about my eventual dying; I’d rather it wasn’t painful, I’d rather pass away peacefully in my sleep when it’s time, I want to be like the old woman who woke up one day and decided she was bone tired of life and died peacefully in her sleep that night, I want to be able to wipe my own butt until that day comes. Of course, we don’t get a choice but if I had to choose between sudden and immediate death I’d take that over bed ridden decrepitude. In the meantime, well, I try to be fully present. Be here now. It’s good advice.

You know what I think is stupid? People writing 'unalived' instead of dead, 'unalive' instead of kill. Ok, I looked it up, a substitute to avoid algorithm taboos of the words kill, murder, and suicide on social media sites. Still stupid.  

We finally are getting some rain. No great downpours, just gentle rains that last more than five minutes. Friday morning before the rain, walking around the yard, the ground hard, the grasses dry and dull, shriveled, obviously suffering. Yesterday morning after that steady gentle rain Friday and night, everything looked so much happier, green and plump. We got another good strong shower later in the day.

Nesting report…I walked out the back door a while back to see the maidenhair fern on the plant stand with the wren nest had been knocked over, four little eggs spilled out. I picked it up, put the little eggs back but two weeks later, they are still there and no sign of the little wren. 

So, abandoned. The other day I noticed that the shelving unit in the garage on the same wall as the door into the house had long leg spiders' webs all over it (a constant battle in the garage) and so got the broom for that purpose and cleared them when I noticed this.

I walk by this shelving unit multiple times a day going in and out and never once noticed a nest being built there. I assume that was the nest I saw the wrens flying away from out of the corner of my eye and not the one on the motor housing. It too is apparently abandoned. A perfect little nest, no eggs, no sign of the wrens. But there is a successful nest across the street in Pam’s rose arbor. A pretty little mama cardinal, her head just visible. She did not like me taking her picture and flew over to the fence.

Robin has been keeping her eye on it and sent me this picture today. Three naked little babies.

They'll grow fast. I found a cardinal nest one year, checked on it daily, and as I recall it was nine days between hatching and fledging.

The first of the day lilies are opening. The first are always the yellow miniature ones in the front flower beds. 

There’s several clumps of early orange ones already sending up bloom scapes, still getting some of those pompom poppies. The maroon Japanese iris are past peak. I need to get my zinnia seeds in the dirt. The tomato plant that survived the freeze intact is giving me baby tomatoes

and the mystery plant sprouts in the compost bin I transplanted, the one in the top right in the above photo is acorn squash, and the other two I think are butternut but the baby fruit needs to get bigger.

I had this paragraph at the top originally but just couldn't lead off with that. What Trump’s doing outside the borders of this country is criminal but he’s not limiting his criminal destruction to the outside world. Now he’s dismantling the Forest Service with the intent to sell off our public lands for mining, oil drilling, and logging. All so that the already obscenely wealthy can accumulate more wealth that they stingily hoard. We all hope that when this all ends the great undoing will begin but our old growth forests, our pristine preserves in the arctic and canyonlands, our national parks cannot be easily replaced or returned. 

 

the end of things

I’ve been thinking about two things lately, both about the end of things.

One is my own mortality. My father died of a massive stroke when he was 73, my sister died of a massive stroke when she was 76. My mother died of the cumulative damage of years of TIAs when she was 79. I’m going to be 76 on my next birthday at the end of this month. No one in my natal family has survived the 70s so far. I feel healthy, am active, no complaints but then my sister probably felt the same way, and maybe my father, before their brains started leaking in the middle of the night. On the other hand, my father’s sister lived to be 92 and his maternal aunt lived well into her late 90s so I’m hanging my star on them. 

The other thing I’ve been thinking about is that maybe it’s time to get rid of all my frit and wax and other miscellaneous model making and glass casting stuff. I haven’t made anything since September 2022 and while I’ve gone several years before without making anything I never lost interest. Until now. Now I have no interest in working in glass, I don’t even look at any of the glass groups on FB anymore, no longer interested in being a part of the glass art scene. The new technique of working with glass ‘clay’ making sculptural objects without a mold is exciting and were I 20 years younger I’d probably be all in but not now. So what to do with my fairly extensive inventory of transparent and opaque frits and powders (many of the jars are two and three deep on the shelves).

I can probably sell them, and I would at a discounted price, and since I live within a few hours of three big cities it wouldn’t be out of the question for interested glass artists to come here which I would prefer since I’m not really interested in packing and shipping. I just need to post on the glass related groups on FB so that may be happening soon. 

Speaking of the end of things, empires last on average 250 - 300 years. Judging by this last year I’d say the US has lost a great deal of its global power that commands respect and may never get it back. The word of our leaders is no longer trusted when any deals made can and are cast aside willy nilly by the next administration and the other nations are making new alliances that exclude the US. MAGA's America First is turning into America Alone. 

It was reported this week that in January senior officials in the Pentagon summoned Cardinal Christophe Pierre, the Vatican’s ambassador to the US at the time, to a meeting at the Pentagon where they berated him over the Pope’s criticism of Trump’s brutish foreign policies, telling him that the US has the military power to do whatever it wants and that the Church better get on its side. In a veiled threat they even invoked the Avignon Papacy, a period in the 14th century during which the French King used his military to force the pope to live in Avignon, France, exerting direct state control over the papacy. It has so alarmed the Vatican that the Pope’s planned visit to the US later in the year has been canceled. Now that the meeting has been brought to light the Pentagon is, of course, blowing smoke and denies any of that happened. However, a source close to the Pope described the meeting as most unpleasant and confrontational. Because of course. Unpleasant and confrontational is how Trump and his administration of cosplay wannabes does things.

Meanwhile Resurrection Day weekend Trump was threatening to annihilate Iran, easily the oldest continuous civilization on the planet, blasting them all to hell, claiming the Iranian people were begging him to do so while complaining to the children at the annual White House egg hunt about how incompetent Biden was with his autopen. Two days later a 2 week ceasefire was announced, Trump having agreed to a 10 point deal brokered by Pakistan that gave Iran everything and gained the US nothing. Trump has been claiming that Iran has been begging him for a peace deal when in fact it is Trump who has been begging Iran and Iran telling him to fuck off. When Iran would not even agree to meet with the US, Trump secretly went to Pakistan hoping that a proposal from a muslim country would be more acceptable. Iran sneered at the US 15 point proposal and countered it with their own 10 point plan wherein all military action against Iran and Lebanon stops, Iran keeps it’s nuclear material, keeps control of the Strait of Hormuz charging $2 million per ship for transit to pay for the reconstruction of the damage caused by the US and Israel, and the withdrawal of all American troops from the region among other things. Trump is crowing about how he brought Iran to its knees, dollar signs in his eyes as he fantasizes Iran splitting that two mil per ship with him. As if. 

Only one problem, Israel said fuck that shit, nobody asked us, and we’re not stopping the bombing of Lebanon because while Israel would love to take Iran out, Israel’s real goal is to increase their territory, something it has been doing since day one of the partition. So the cease fire lasted less than two days, Iran closed the Strait again after letting some ships through, the news media, politicians, and even some of Trump’s supporters were trashing the deal as the disaster for the US it is so now Trump is back to saber rattling and threats.

How much more certifiably insane does Trump and his merry band of sycophantic yes men have to be before the republicans finally admit this disaster of a president and administration for what it is and do the sane thing. I’m not holding my breath. Apparently hanging onto power is the foremost priority of the republican party no matter how much destruction is wrought here and around the world. It reminds me of a single panel cartoon I saw decades ago. A lone heavily armed soldier is standing in the middle of a wasteland, everything and everyone turned to rubble and he says…

“I think I won!”

another three days of the usual activities

Friday…There’s a mating pair of cardinals on the bird feeder this morning and the male is feeding his sweetheart. Now there’s a young male cardinal who doesn’t seem to have a mate. I think this is probably his first spring as an adult. Later I saw a male house finch and a little warbler. And I think wrens are using the nest on top of the motor housing for the garage door we never lift up. Wrens have flown out from that direction several times as I’ve walked through. That nest has been there for 15 years. Some years it’s occupied, some years not. Now that I know it’s occupied I’ll have to keep my eyes out for the little fledglings, make sure they get out of the garage safely.

I saw a squirrel foraging under the bird feeder the other day now that all the pecans have been picked up or eaten so I put out a handful of peanuts. Once the pecans started falling last year I stopped because they were being ignored. The next day they were gone so I put out another handful. Looking out the window later I saw a squirrel scurry over and grab one but instead of eating it, the little bugger buried it. Came over, got another one, buried it in a different spot and a third until the squirrel had buried every single one. If it doesn’t remember where its little stash is I’m going to have a peanut farm in the little backyard.

Saturday…I finally was motivated to get out in the yard today and do some maintenance which I haven’t much felt called to do these past few weeks despite this being the best time of year to do that. Mostly what I did was dig up the native peruvian lilies (alstroemeria, parrot flower) that I planted several years ago in a bare spot in the long daylily bed. They only show once or twice a year putting up foliage which is really rather pretty and they are supposed to bloom, and I do like the flower (image via the internet), 

but these hardly ever bloom and then only sparsely. That wouldn’t be so bad except they are invasive and the close clumps of little tubers don’t allow anything else to grow and they have overwhelmed my nile lilies and some of the amaryllis. I couldn’t get the little tubers out from the nile lilies without digging them up too but I did pluck all the foliage. After the nile lilies bloom, if they bloom, I’ll dig them up, free them of the peruvian lily tubers, and replant them. Then I dug/pulled out the dewberry vines in that bed.

Sunday…The big storm with lots of rain promised for late Saturday and evening came and while north of us got lots of rain we, as usual, didn’t as it skirted north of us. As usual. It did rain lightly for several hours but not the good solid rain we need. It cooled things off, temps are in the 50s and 60s, overcast and the weather app says it’s raining in Wharton right now (it’s not) but this is not the kind of overcast that gives rain. It’s too uniformly light/medium gray.  Anyway today I took advantage of the somewhat softer dirt and pulled pasture grass that had sent up it bloom/seed stalks out of the bluebonnets in front and pulled up all the goldenrod in the front flower bed. I like goldenrod and let it stay there for two years after it just showed up but it’s taking over and I have fewer purple coneflowers in there now. The coneflowers are just putting up their buds so should be blooming by the end of the week.

I finished the bookmark inspired by the evening primrose blooming 

but it was so pale (paler than the picture as the camera intensifies color) and I forgot the fence I thought to add so I did another one, more color but I don't like it any better. For one thing the evening primrose are not that intense and maybe because it’s just a typical wildflower landscape. I keep thinking I'll work on it some more and then, nope, leave it be.

The acrylic spray I need to seal these (and one more coat and the backs on the others) should be here Tuesday. I ended up just ordering it from Walmart delivered. It was about $7 more because my order was under $35 but I figure I’d have burned that much in gas driving to Rosenberg and back and never mind the nearly two hours of time it would have taken.

More blooming things...amaryllis, queen anne's lace (with corn in the background), rocket larkspur.

plumbing, bookmarks, blooming

Last evening’s sky.

As mentioned last post Rocky came by Saturday to work on the industrial sink in the shop and the ancient faucet fixture that was leaking badly when the water was turned on. We only have the cold water connected since there’s no water heater. He had to take the guts out of the hot water handle and switch it to the cold water handle. It’s fixed for now, but only temporary because...ancient. Only a matter of time before it starts leaking again so I need to get a new wall mount faucet set. He also worked on the toilet and fixed it so that the float rises and shuts off the water instead of it running constantly. Filled it up, turned off the water to the toilet and checked it later. Damn, still leaking. That tank will not hold water. So I bought a new handle and float. Filled the tank, came back later, tank is empty. Don’t know where it’s leaking from, no water on the floor. That toilet has been a problem since it was installed when we finally got around to rebuilding the bathroom in the shop after the Harvey flood. It was a brand new expensive toilet that Rocky bought for a customer that she didn’t like so he gave it to us (she had paid for it and the replacement that went in her house).

It was sort of overcast Wednesday, raining very lightly off and on, just a tease because all combined it was still not enough to get even the surface of the ground thoroughly wet. I finally pulled out the slowly dying stalk of the last tomato plant that was giving up the ghost and planted a new one, different variety. I also replanted green bean seeds (again) because the first replanting only about half came up. I went ahead and poked all the rest of the seeds in the package into the ground wherever I found a space. 

I did a quick rainbow sort of bookmark and applied the self adhesive laminating sheet both sides. It goes on smooth enough but it looks and feels like plastic, which, of course, it is and I don’t really care for it. It makes it look manufactured instead of hand painted so I’ve decided to just use the flat crystal clear acrylic sealer, three light coast front and back, which should give the paper some protection. Of course, the can of spray I had was mostly used and I’ve run out. I’ve been to the three places in town that I might have bought it from and none of them has it so I’m going to have to make a trip into Rosenberg to the Lowe’s to get more. Here’s the one I laminated

and here are the last three finished. 

Currently working on another inspired by the evening primrose that blankets the space between the north and south lanes of the highway on the way to El Campo. I look forward to that every spring but when the expansion of Hwy 59, converting it to I 69, makes it to El Campo all that will be gone replaced by a solid expanse of concrete. Same thing happened between Wharton and Rosenberg which used to have muhly grass between the lanes which was so beautiful when it bloomed its pink plumes waving in the breeze. Now the north/south lanes are divided by a concrete barrier. Better road but not pretty.

More pictures of what’s blooming…in order: amaryllis, penstemon, poppies, mock orange/dogwood, and the pecan trees are finally coming out.

where did the days go

Heavy dew Wednesday morning and the screen was doted with water droplets.

Damn, a whole week has gone by. Tuesday was my 8 am dermatologist appointment and it was so foggy, visibility was very low and I was starting to worry that I would pass up the office if I couldn’t see the line of buildings but as I got closer to Rosenberg it started to lift and by the time I turned onto the road the office is on it was mostly clear. She froze a couple of actinic keratosis off my face and another thing on my shoulder. I’ve had a dark spot on my right cheek for years which I assumed was just sun damage, couldn’t feel it, just visible, but the past year it had started to grow and now I could feel it so she sliced that off and sent it in for a biopsy. Don’t remember what else I did. Oh, had a nice long FaceTime with my brother and sister in law. He had just renewed his passport which reminded me that I should check mine which I did Wednesday evening and it had expired the day before.

Wednesday was the follow-up with the electrophysiologist. My appointment was at 11:15 and it takes me an hour to get there, park, and get up to the office. I always come prepared, take a book with me, to these appointments because there is always a wait, some days longer than others and occasionally really long and Wednesday was one of those days. I finally got in a room at 12:30 where the tech took my blood pressure, did the EKG, probably another 45 minutes before the EP came in. Any problems?, any questions?, everything looks good, see you in 6 months (requirement of the med I’m on). Finally back to my car at 1:30. I don’t complain about the wait which is usually 30 - 40 minutes, but sometimes delays happen, maybe an early morning procedure took longer than expected, maybe they had to work people in who were having problems. I’ve been going to this office for 7 years, I know what to expect and the staff is really nice. But on days when the wait is very long, grumbling starts in the waiting room, complaining to each other about how long it’s taking. I wonder if these are new patients.

Baby Blue Eyes in full bloom.

After I got the all clear I headed home with several stops to make. Since I was out that way, I stopped at the bigger Michaels across from the Costco to look at their laminating materials, maybe to laminate the book marks. I don’t really want to do that, I like the feel of paper over plastic and they are sealed with a clear acrylic spray but I thought I would try one just to see. Anyway, they only had packages of like 50 sheets of clear adhesive film so, no, didn’t buy it. The saleswoman suggested I might find smaller packages at an office supply so that was my next stop further down the road and I did pick up a package of 12 sheets. After that I had to turn in my old phone at the Verizon store and then finally got home about 3:30. Gathered Paisleigh later to accompany me while walking the dog. 

Thursday morning I went online and filled out the form to renew my passport and then my niece who lives in Albuquerque arrived to spend the day before she checked into her B&B in Houston for the wedding of one of her half sisters on Saturday. I haven’t seen her since summer of ’24 when everyone came to spread Pam’s ashes, so almost two years. Did I take any pictures? No. I did get my green bean seeds replanted though and all but one of the tomatoes are regrowing after the last freeze and I don’t think it’s going to make it.

Variegated poppies.

Friday I finished the current bookmark and no I haven’t laminated it. I want to do a quickie for that little test. Then it was such a nice day I puttered out in the yard, repotted a few things. Watered everything. It is just so dry here and we are now in a burn ban. Yesterday it was overcast and cool so I took advantage of that and finished clearing the shop yard of winter dead stuff, except for the hummingbird bush which I overlooked so I’ll take care of it today. But before that, Rocky came to see about fixing the shop sink that dripped constantly from the cold water handle if the water was turned on. Also the toilet was constantly running and even though I have a sign pinned on the wall to turn the water off after use, it didn’t always get done. Last month the water bill over there was outrageous. So anyway, the toilet is fixed and the sink is temporarily fixed but needs a new faucet set.

So that’s been my week.

weekend activity

Baby Blue Eyes are blooming and the flowers are 3/4” - 1” wide. First try with the camera on the new phone. 

Saturday morning my daughter called…what are you doing? Finishing breakfast and then I’m going to go over and feed Robin’s cats (Robin is in the city for the weekend). This was the opening weekend for the spring Farmer’s Market and did I want to go with her and the grands. So yes. Sarah and Paisleigh and Harrison picked me up and off we went. Lot’s of fun stuff for the kids; a bouncy house which Paisleigh only stayed in for a few minutes, too many bigger kids; a train of sorts with a four wheeler pulling the little cars; free balloons and popcorn for the kids; face painting, Paisleigh opted for full face.

Lots of vendors, mostly baked goods and arts and crafts since no one has a producing garden yet. We went mostly for the food. A Muslim family selling middle eastern dishes from which I bought two gyros, another family selling empanadas from which I bought four, another woman selling tamales which I also bought. All of it very good. Then we went over to Hesed House for the kids to play on the little playground there but it has recently been closed, fenced off, for more work on the levee behind it. The levee project is a result of practically the whole town flooding after hurricane Harvey. The kids just ran around the HH grounds, Harrison being able to get out of the stroller, and then we checked out the market. After we returned home we walked the kids down to the other end of the street so Paisleigh could play with Carly, one of Rocky’s grandchildren that live with him and Melissa, for a little while, and then back home and I was done. Ate my empanadas for lunch and then took a nap. I never take naps. Well, hardly ever.

Sunday I watered pots and ground, front and back, checked on my tomato plants, clipped off all the dead leaves and noted that three of the five are starting to show some new growth, 

cut back the dead Mexican bird of paradise and the dead limbs of the already growing white orchid tree/shrub with the mini chainsaw across the street, still have two more things to cut back over there having done the banana trees on Friday. I meant to replant my green beans but I’ll get to that today (now done).

And I finally finished the one bookmark so here are the latest three.

Tomorrow I have a dermatologist appointment (8 am! but my choice so I don’t have to wait an hour or more) and Wednesday my bi-annual follow up with the electrophysiologist. Thursday my niece is coming in to spend the day with us before she checks into her hotel for the weekend in the city. She’s coming in from Albuquerque so I hope she’s traveling through Hobby and not IAH with the new deployment of ICE to catch all the illegals that can afford airfare and have to go through customs, because yeah all the illegals are doing that fooling the customs agents. Most the videos show them just standing around (without masks!) though I did see one of them wrestling a latino looking woman to the ground while her little girl stands there crying. I don’t know if she was flying out or arriving or just laying over. You’d think if she was flying out they’d let her go but no, the point is cruelty, treat them inhumanely as long as possible before deporting them.