Monday, March 17, 2014

icky aging things

Here is fair warning...

I'm going to talk about icky female aging things.

I had my last period when I was 45. It seemed a little early to me, not that I was complaining all that much, but I didn't have any role models in my family to ask about it because my mother, my maternal aunt, and my sister all had hysterectomies which pretty much put an end to all that for them.

It was at least another 7 years before I noticed any side effects flashes and sweating! I didn't sweat. I was cold natured and I would perspire but I didn't sweat! Not rolling-off-your-fucking-face sweat.

And the hot flashes that started internally kind of in the midsection and would spread, orgasmic like, until it reached all the extremities and your head and popped out on your skin as beads of water. Only it didn't feel nearly as good. More like you were about to spontaneously combust.

I took to carrying around a folding fan.

Those did eventually subside and it completely flipped my internal thermostat. That doesn't mean I dislike winter any less. I still hate being cold. I just don't get cold quite as easy.

And while I don't miss being at the mercy of estrogen at all, I do occasionally miss that primal urge to have sex.

And then there's the whole needing a lubricant thing.  No, you youngsters, we don't stop having sex, it just changes.

That's all old stuff though.

My last selfie it looked like the hair in my right eyebrow is thinning. That's not the only place I've lost hair. While the hair on my head has always been fine, I seem have more hair on the left side of my head than on my right, something I notice when I pull it back with combs.

And I don't have any underarm hair anymore either. Also way less on my legs. And, ahem, down there. Sort of like a brazilian without having to shave. Well, not quite, but I gather that's where I'm heading.

You come into this world hairless and I guess you go out of it the same way.


  1. thanks for the laughs - and the look forward for me. :)

  2. and life goes on, tougher perhaps, but still good for me

  3. No hair. Yes, I can relate to that but I kind of like no longer having hair under my arms, but the hair on my head, now that's a hard one to take. Oh yeah, the eyebrows. What? do people just draw them on or something?

  4. hahaha...What I noticed was that my lips disappeared. I used to have lips, voluptuous I have these thin lines. sheesh!!!

  5. turquoisemoon - oh yeah, that too. I always had thin lips but now I look like a turtle.

  6. Thanks for talking about this stuff. Very few people do, until it happens to them too. I've been having hot flashes for 13 years now, and stopped periods about the same time you did. It's been an icky rollercoaster ride and I'm still not sure what to think or how to be. I wish I could fine the humor in this, but I get alternately pissed or sad about the situation.
    I could have written all the things you did, so thanks for sparing me the struggle to make sentences. And misery loves company. :)

  7. I forgot all these things; thanks for the catalog. I went menopausal at 39; I still gloat. I skipped the hot flashes, somehow, too, but none of the rest. I wonder if I would have gone out in the backyard and shot myself had that nonsense carried into my fifties, like for my mother and sister.

  8. Alright, I made it to the period thing. Too much information. See ya later.

  9. Oh god. It's just all so shocking, isn't it? One never really considers the changes which will occur and frankly, I don't think that people talk about them enough. Women. You know. We don't really discuss them a lot although we should because dammit- we all go through them, perhaps within a range. All or some.
    I think about the women who lived in this house a hundred or more years ago and the heat and the woodstoves to cook on and the clothes they had to wear and not so much as an electric fan and I don't understand why they all didn't turn into murderers or commit suicide or both.

  10. I don't think we all go out hairless!

    I can't remember when Peggy had her last period, but I know she's been having hot flashes for about fifteen years now, and when she has one, you can tell it from the other side of a large room because she turns beet red. The only good thing I can say about them is that they do seem to be on the decrease.

  11. and all these changes just sorta sneak up on a person too. This was a perfect primer on ladies....uh changes. Oma Linda

  12. I actually think the hairless part is the part I hate most...except for the additon of whiskers. There's one under my chin that I always notice once it's ridiculously long. Oh...and the fact that I can't see them well enough to tweeze with much success.

    My eyebrows...I guess I will have to start drawing them in on the outer brow.

    You look like a turtle? I haven't laughed so hard in ages.

  13. I think I stopped having periods at about the same age you did - not sure because I did the Nuvaring thing (to keep from having terrible headaches). One day I just decided to see if I still needed the nuvaring & lo & behold I was done with all that!

    My hot flashes aren't very bad at all (yet), but my cold-natured-ness has definitely flipped. I almost went barefoot the in the snow this year.

    I think the hair on the left side of my head is thinner than the right, but otherwise I'm not noticing too much hair loss yet. I still get a 5 o'clock shadow on my legs :)

  14. Mr. Charleston, come back!! Haha. Hmmm.

  15. You're a hoot. I am every bit as hairy as I've ever been and I got very lucky with hot flashes (so far, anyway). But I do turn beet red after a few sips of alcohol.. that's a new one for me.

  16. I've been wanting to write about mine for a while - thank you dear turtle lips for doing it for me!

  17. I've never had much body hair to begin with! Ai yi yi.

    As for the hot flashes, they're creeping up, and that's for sure...


  18. Thank you. I have been thinking about writing a similar post and had no courage.


I opened my big mouth, now it's your turn.